Welcome Back

Hi everyone..I've been away a little bit. Seems I needed to take a little visit to the hospital. No worries I am Ok now. I was admitted for a few days seems my heart needed a little TLC. Anyways, the worst part about it was Kiley. More like the being a way from Kiley. Ok more specifically, I being away from her. I missed her terribly. It is funny how your perspective changes when you are a mommy. Before I would not give it a second thought being unwell. Honestly I could care less. But then we had Kiley..Things change. Now I have a responsibility. The thought of not being around Kiley or healthy enough to run around or chasing after her was not Ok with me. Brad, bless his heart, brought her as often as he could. Kiley was terrified at first as she hates doctors. Few minutes later she was running the ward. Seriously the nurses had her with them. My mom was terrific and took care of her while I was down for the count. So I add this to the changes I see that motherhood has done to me. I now take my medicine as prescribed, follow up like I am suppose to..essentially try to do the right healthy thing. Here are some pictures.

Selfish

I realized today how selfish I am. I am ashamed. My office currently is in very close proximity to the "bad area" of town. On my way to work today I had to stop for gas in the very bad area of town. I never stop at or in this area. Every town has that area. Anyways, I was on high alert. BTW what is up with the gas prices at the bad area being so high. I could not believe it. The gas was like 10 cents higher. As I was saying..I went into the shop to get a Krispy Kreme donut (drool now) and my coffee. As I was walking out I noticed that I kept my eyes straight ahead. When I say straight ahead...I mean straight ahead. Lo and behold this gentlemen walks by me and smiles at me. Did I see the smile..no..rather I saw the sign in his hand asking for money. Did I return his smile? No...Did I hear him wish me a blessed day. No..not until I got into my car did I realize his greeting... what a mistake I made. How can I claim to want and be upset with poverty when I cannot respond to a poor individual at the gas station. How can I teach Kiley to be compassionate when I cannot show compassion to an individual by wishing him a good morning. I know we have to be aware of our surroundings but we must be compassionate. So how do we draw the line.

Grandparents Day

Today was Grandparents Day at school. It was so cute. Kiley loved having her Abuela at school. I dropped them both off and took these quick pictures with my phone. My mom said that Kiley did not want to play with the any of the other kids she only wanted to be with her. Too cute huh. I have a good relationship with my grandmother so it makes me my heart flow when I see how close Kiley is to my mom.

Ok so there are some big changes going on in my work. I just signed a new lease. In addition I am Of counsel with a bigger firm in my town. I am excited and yet very very nervous. I needed to do something to increase buisness and I believe this is a great way to start. Send me good thoughts everyone.
So lets see I would love to discuss politics but I think I am too emotionally involved. Lets just say I will be taking the day off with my good friend and going to the movies so I don't have to hear about the results.

labor day

I hope everyone had a great labor day weekend. We sure did. We spent all the time together. On Saturday we went and saw the movie WALLIE, who knew a Robot could stir such an emotion. It was really cute and good. Kiley loved it. Then Sunday we went to Celebration a town by disney. We ate dinner at a great restaurant Colombia. If you come down to Orlando you must go to Celebration and eat at Colombia. Anyways, there was a water area and Kiley played and played.

Just a quick update. I will post more later today.

I am or was addicted to the TV show Dharma and Greg, I always hoped that I would be like Dharma. I think we all wanted to be that free spirited that uninhibited. Ok, so maybe it is just me. I do believe in my heart that I am free spirited. I just hold back. Why? I don't know. Is it my belief that it is bad or am I so unsure? I don't know but anyways I found this quote by the writers of the show. I loved it.

The Buddha taught that the first principle of existence is impermanence.

Absolutely everything in this universe is impermanent.

Impermanence creates uncertainty.

I don't know about you, but I have a very low tolerance for uncertainty.

Uncertainty causes me discomfort.

Discomfort causes me to think stupid things.

Stupid thoughts cause me to take stupid actions.

My stupid actions bring about unfortunate results.

Luckily, the unfortunate results are impermanent.

Is this a great universe or what?"

Bling

I just heard about this and had to blog about it. Jennifer Lopez, who appeared on Good Morning, America August 18th to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon, was overheard saying after the segment that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,” according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, [emphasis mine] and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ”

Ok as a triathlete myself I know how difficult they are. Seriously they are not easy. I also know that it is extremely difficult to lose weight after birth (especially twins) Really I am not trying to diminish her accomplishments. But lets be real.. come on Jennifer..8 gold medals. I could understand if we are talking iron man material..Nope now that I think about it not even then. This is real bling my friend.

Just because I don't want to work anymore given this weather. What is up with the rules at school. I understand that we as society need rules but seriously ..Ok for me this particular rule about close toe shoes really irks me. I love flip flops and have put Kiley in flips since she was home. No problems on the swings. If we go for a walk of course I put her in tennis shoes but you get what I am saying. Of course it helps that Brad's company manufactures flips flops but I digress..Ok and I will admit I am addicted to shoes and have passed that trait on to Kiley. (cough she has 10 pairs of shoes). Fully understanding this we bought her close toes shoes. The pair I fell in love with is pink with a close toe and a strap back. I excitedly put Kiley in those shoes with socks yesterday. I thought ...hey what a good mommy. When I came to pick her up Mrs. Lindsay kindly said that Kiely needed different shoes..WHAT..I understand safety but there has to be a happy medium between safety and cute right. Mrs. Lindsay reminded me about mulch getting into the back of the shoes. Huh..the front yes but back? I am confused? I mean I guess I can.. the point is that I am so vain that I can't seem to fathom putting my daughter in tennis shoes when she is wearing a dress..Oh boy off to Stride rite we go. It is a conspiracy. ,

Hurricane season

I am a sitting here in the office waiting out the storm. As for now it will not hit until later this afternoon. Schools are close so Kiley is with my mom. So here I am trying to tie up loose ends. Kiley's first day went wonderful. I walked into the classroom and she was playing dress up. She had on a Cinderella dress with a crown. It was so cute. She screamed my name really loud and gave me a hug. Oh I feel so much better. OK I am going to hunker down now. See you guys after the storm.

I'll take mine with a side of guilt please.

So today we started the new daycare/preschool. Oh my do I feel like a bad mommy. The school so far has been wonderful. They have bible class, computer class, fun bus and playground areas. Super clean and the teachers seem super nice. I feel so guilty leaving her. Why you ask???? Because she seemed so small to be in a classroom. I turned around as I was leaving and I saw her sitting in her chair and I just started crying. I also have to mention that I took her this morning for her vaccinations. OK sensitive subject here but remember I come from a place of hurt. I have a nephew who is autistic and I will leave it at that. I waited for Kiley's immune system to develop before giving her these immunizations. My God did hurt watching her go through those shots. So here I am taking her to the doctor this morning having her have shots then dropping her off at some new place. Hence some one please pass me the side of guilt.

So I am officially off caffine (cold turkey I might add)... alright not by choice. It stinks folks. The headaches, the fogginess. I could not believe that caffine can affects us/me like it does. Anyways, I did not drink a lot of caffine, I would have my cup of coffee in the morning and a can of diet coke with lunch. Not bad. Well my cardiologist (who happens to be hot) nicely asked me to stop drinking any caffine. Well since he asked nicely and I am a sucker I agreed.. I know ..at least he did not say no to the alcohol..(just kidding) Today is the first day. I hope it gets better. Here are some funny pictures I took of Kiley and I with my phone.

It did not go well..I feel terrible. Our babysitter cried and cried. Not good folks not good at all. I feel like such a heel...

breaking up

Breaking up is hard to do. No Brad and I are fine..sorry if I scared anyone. We are leaving our babysitters. We have enrolled Kiley in a preschool close to our home. I don't want to leave our babysitter as I think the world of her. But at the same time the care has not been the same. She has been going through some issues and well anyways. We have been on the waiting list for this preschool for two years. It really is a good school, they already teach them computer skills, they have dance class, bible class. I am excited and yet sad. I don't want to hurt our babysitter but I also think it is time to move on. I will let you guys know how it goes. We have been kinda preparing Kiley for going to school and she has been pretty adamant about not going to "school". We will see. Of course we have not taken her there yet to meet the other kids. Open house is on the 15th. I know we can always go back to our Babysitters if it does not work out . I just feel really bad about it. I am also extremely nervous. I want to do the right thing for Kiley and for us. I really do wish this was easier. :0)

I love doctors.. I have been having some shortness of breathe for the past two days. When I say shortness of breath I mean I feel like I have been running but I have not been off my fat butt in a few weeks. We can all be in agreement that shortness of breath is not normal. Right...After having these symptoms for two days I called my cardiologist. I figured he would want to know. His nurse called me back and the questions she asked for some reason irritated me. "Have I taken tyneol, advil or tums" really tums for shortness of breathe. Ok I admit I am not a doctor and I really do not claim to be but Tums. Especially because I clearly said that I have not eaten and do not suffer from acid reflux. Ok maybe I am being a little sensitive because of the shortness of breathe. In the end the doctor is suppose to call me. UGH>>>

Days of our lives..how is it that time can go so fast. I mean how do we do it. How do we take the time to appreciate it all. Brad is away on business so it has been Kiley and I. I have all of these great ideas for us to do while he was gone. Do you think I was able to do them? Only one. Why you ask? Because it has been so crazy. I have not had the opportunity to sit still. I absolutely hate it. Where does our time go? Why does it slip so quickly. Why are there so many wasted moments. I do not want any more wasted moments. I made this intention a while ago but I can't seem to keep up with my life. So last night I made a decision. I did not care that I had two appellate briefs which have to be mailed today were not done. I took my daughter to Chick- fil-a for dinner. We ate french fries and I let her play in the playground. She laughed, singed, made funny faces at me. The smile on my face was bigger than hers. We then went to Old Navy where I let her run in the aisles in front of me. She hid in the clothes I was looking at. All you could hear were our giggles. I loved it. Then I put Lion King in the TV in our room and let her sleep with me. As she was falling asleep she put her little foot on my leg and it stayed there the entire night. I want more of these moments. I realized that my life is getting out of control and I need to slow down. Maybe it is the heart monitor I am wearing for the next 24 hours, or maybe the drugs on my bathroom sink. I making changes.

Brad took this picture last night. I was so tired I fell asleep on my dear sammy.

Have I told you guys how much I love my husband. If I have not let me tell you he so rocks ! Brad spent the entire weekend on a men's retreat at church. (which btw way he had a great time). It started early Sat morning and ended late Sunday evening. Our church does not have shower facilities or rooms so he slept on the floor in the church's ministry building. Brad broke the rules through out the weekend and called me to check in when they had a break. Such a rebel. Then he broke the rules on Sunday and snuck in to church during mass to give me and Kiley a Kiss. He made up so excuse to come in to the sanctuary where mass was going on. Isn't that sweet. Anyways, given the emotional weekend and lack of showers my husband, the great, still agreed to wait in line with me at the apple store so I could get the new Iphone. You see everything is in his name so he had to be there. I went into the line after church at 2pm he joined me at 6pm and waited until 8:30 when it was my turn. What can I say my husband is the best. So honey here is to you!!!! I will post later on our dear ms. K. She is doing fantastic.

I hate Mondays

TITLE IS SELF EXPLANATORY. More tomorrow!! Till then I am going to go have a green tea latte..

First things first, Herbie is A OK!!! It seems I pulled in a little to close in a parking space (allegedly) so the underneath panel protecting the air conditioner fan was pulled. It was an easy fix. Actually the shop did not charge us a dime. Isn't that wonderful. I am so in love with them right now.
So here is the deal. I want to go back home to Puerto Rico for a visit with Kiley sometime soon. My family in Puerto Rico has not met Kiley. The exceptions are my grandmother and uncle. However, my grandmother is 88 years old. Thank God that she is in good health but you never know when they reach this age. Moreover, I really want to go and experience some loving Grandma care. I want to go sit on the beach with Kiley. Sure I we have beaches here and we;ve taken Kiley but I want really warm clear blue water. I want to walk down to the end of the street to the bakery and get some fresh bread. I want to sit and do mundillo with my Grandma and her church friends. We sit on the porch and lace and watch everyone walk out to the town square. I even miss the darn rooster. I don't know what has brought this up. But it is there. What is the problem you ask? Just go...
Well it seems like Brad has the same calling but for his home town of Holton Lake Michigan. We can only afford to take one trip. Now mind you I have no problem with the north or Michigan for that matter. But really do you think of going to Michigan in the summer. No!! Let me just state for the record that Brad has no family remaining in Holton Lake. However, and very importantly Brad wants to go visit his mother's and brother's (Jeff's) grave. OK I know I am sounding selfish right now but hear me out. I want to go to the grave site. I think it is a beautiful thing. I want to thank his mother for raising such a wonderful son. I want them to see what a good family Brad has. How wonderful his relationship with Kiley is. It is the other stuff that bothers me of the trip. Brad's' family was very against us getting married. They did not want him marrying a "non white" Hispanic and to top it off a Catholic. (His family are preachers who for some strange and absurd reason think Catholics and the Catholic Church are evil) I know makes no sense. So we had a huge obstacle to overcome. We are still dealing with it. Honestly his family is the only issue we have. Now I am not so bad. I do not hold a grudge. I constantly encourage Brad to talk to his family. I ask about them, I pray for them. We meet with his family members when they come here. Only really his uncle. Anyways, I treat them with kindness and really compassion. I know they don't know what they are saying is wrong or hurtful it is just is. So I pray and mediate before I see them. I have only gone to Michigan twice since our relationship started. Both times very short and for funerals. The last time I was there I spent a lot of time with my blackberry. Anyways, I am really hesitant to go to Michigan. Brad wants to go take Kiley and do the rounds to family. These are the same people that did not accept me I worry about Kiley. I have tried explaining this to Brad. But he is insistent on wanting to go. He assures me that he will protect us. That everything will be OK. I have to believe him. I have to believe that it is life lesson for me and Kiley. Kiley has to learn to deal with people who may not like her. Maybe they will love her and it is just me they have problems with. That would be my life lesson I think. I would be OK with that. As long as they are good to Kiley and Brad I can handle it. I don't want any tension I don't want Kiley to feel at all that I don't love or appreciate his family. That would really suck. However, I still am unsure. I will keep you guys updated if we really go. The funds are an issue at this point. We will see.

Oh Oh

Scene

Telephone ringing ringing

Hello this is Brad.

Hi Honey..um you need to come to my office

Why?

My car is broke.. (figured no reason to beat around the bush)

WHAT!!!!

Yeah there is part hanging off it hitting the road.

I'll call you back...CLICK

You think he is mad???

Doing better

Today is a better day. I don't know if it is because it is Friday but anyhow it is much better. I thought I would share on this Friday some pictures. It has been a while so here it goes