Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!

Thank you everybody for you kind words. I have printed them out and placed them in the baby book. I have not updated in a little bit because I have gone crazy trying to get our power of attorney signed, notoarized, certifited and authenticated. As well as other documents I had to redo for our dossier. It is so much easier to get the paperwork done when you have a sweet little face to look at. Brad and I ended up taking the day off on Friday and driving down to Miami (four hour drive) to get the POA done. This was not a small feet given the hurricane. It is so sad to see people without power or gas. They did not expect to get power for another two maybe three weeks. I know I was going crazy after we lost power for ony 3 days last year. I don't know how they do it.

The trip down...well Brad and I can not make anything easy. I feel like we are the Griswalds..This really an easy trip. Drive down go to the Sec. of State office, then Consulate of Guatemala. Wham Bam thank you mam..Wrong...We get down there taking our own gas..15 galllons worth. Good thing we did! So we had to drive down with the windowns down so we would not die smelling the gas fumes. The rest stops were only open for those wanting gas. We did manage to get into one stop but it was running on a generator. Anyways, we see the lines of people waiting for gas. We saw people pushing their cars because they ran out of gas while in line. It was really sad please pray for them.

So we get to the secretary of state they certify the POA and direct us to the Consulate of Guatemala. No problem we get to the Consulate I get to the door and it is....LOCKED...yup...Locked. I start to cry. I feel so bad that I made Brad take the day off drive with a headache from the fumes of gas. Well Brad starts knocking on the door..Let me rephrase that banging on the door. he turned to me and says I am not giving up on our daughter. I could have sex with him right there and there...anyways...this guy comes from the back office tells us that they are closed. Brad begs the man to authenticate the POA, tells him we drove four hours and even offers our gas to the guy. Lo and behold they let us in and we get it authenticated..our paperwork is officially complete. Everybody dance with me...

I must admit I am going a little crazy buying stuff for my/our little girl. It seems that Ralph Lauren makes the cutest baby clothes. I indulged on Friday on a Juicy Colture velor jogging suit for myself. Low and behold there was a similar one for my little one. Of course I just could not help myself. I squealed when I saw it. Brad just laughed and said she must own this. Do you see how lucky I am. A man who understands the need for overpriced clothes..

Lastly, we took my newphews to chucky cheese this weekend, That was fun. It was so good to see them so happy. Of course I got up in the slide and played a little. Everybody have a great Halloween.

ITS A GIRL!!!

Yup you read it right. On Friday we accepted a refferal of a beautiful baby girl. She was born on the tenth of October. I still can not believe it. I look at her picture and I just want to cry. I did not think that this longing or love for someone could be this intense. We did not expect a girl as we had no prefance and have been told that boys are more readily available than girls. We do not have a name for our little one. But we are getting close. We partially want to wait and officially deicde when we meet her. I know, I know pretty dumb. It is so awesome and amazing at the same time how already our little one is loved by my family. My older sister already bought her clothes. She also took her picture to church where my little one was blessed and prayed for by our wonderful priests. My father has already bought her her first baby doll. My younger sister took her picture to a kids' birthday party, where apparently my little girl was the hit of the party. Thinking of all this just makes me so grateful for my family and starts me to cry all over again.

Now I must add that the entire week Brad and I went back and forth with the agency regarding the other issues which I wrote about last. It was crazy and very emotional. I have never seen Brad so beat up and angry. It was funny how our roles were reversed. I normally can't cope and Brad has to step in to calm everyone down and bring things to perspective. It was the total opposite in this case. We stayed with our agency due to money, more specifically they have our money and we can't replace it. I have faith that it will work out. I have faith that there is a reason for everything and I must admit that when I look at our little girl none of the troubles seems to matter. All that matters is bringing that little one home. I know I can handle anything for her. I know that she has a life journey that I am so grateful to be a part of.

Agency Woes

So its official our agency sucks...i know that someone from the agency might be reading this as they search the net for comments. If you are GOOD...and don't you flipping think of calling me out on my post. Threats will get not get you far. Trust Me I am an attorney. First, it is MY BLOG and I can say whatever I want and if you don't like it don't read. Here is a thought maybe you would not have to have people searching the net for families writing about their stories if you were actually a good and reputable agency. I know, a novel concept huh!

Ok so here is the deal...I woke up in a wonderful, good mood...Which has not been happening lately due to my own expectations. (see my last post) Anyways, as I am walking out the door, my dh calls me. He says, don't flip out when you read your email. (on a side note, I don' t turn my blackberry on till I am on the way to work). I of course, say OK what happened? Brad tells me just to read my email and call him. So the email says.. basically, that they have had an inflex of adoptive families and we are now down on the waiting list. Excuse me, there was never a waiting list for a boy. There was a two month waiting list for a girl. When we selected the agency and when our dossier was completed we were never told there was a waiting list and I ASKED. I ASKED CONSTANTLY . I did not want to go with an agency who had a long waiting list. We decided we wanted an agency that had a middle of the road wait, with a good reputation. Brad's requirement was that the agency had to be local. At the time I thought it was reasonable. Anyways...it is not the fact that there is a list...no it is the lies...first lets take the referral incident of labor day weekend..then we meet with our case manager and she says you should get a referral anytime ...since all of our paperwork was done...then weeeks later when we hear nothing she says oh we changed our requirement you can't get a referral until your docs are translated...again this was out of the blue...and I did not confront her on this..I just took a deep breath.....so I asked whether our paperwork is being translated...I have not heard a response yet. rather I get this email on this "list" business. To top it off they want more money...this shit may sound silly to everyone but you know what it is not silly to me...I can handle things that are out of the agency's control..i.e., the Guatemala law proposal. ..I can handle that changing. What I can't handle is their own rules changing...that is not acceptable...especially for those of us trying so hard to comply with everything they need from us...and they know we/I will jump through hoops to bring a child home. I know I probably brought all of this upon myself by being so negative last week...negative brings negativty.. The good news is I am no longer negtaive,..I am fucking pisst off.....Brad is calling our case manager and is going to try and figure out what the hell is going on with the agency... I told him to get our docs back . In the meantime, the clock is ticketing for our experiation of our docs...oh yeah and we will be out of all this money. Oh life keeps getting better....how do people stay positive..? It probably would help if my job did not suck...It really does folks...so here I am trying to stay positive and keep things in perspective ...Again, someone tell me how is that done??

don't mind me

ok...so I have gone ahead and done it...I got my hopes up that today, Brad's birthday, we would get a referral. I know..I know..how dumb can I be. What was I thinking. I was thinking that maybe his mom, who is in heavean, would have some pity on me and try to talk to God. Now, I know, who am I to say that she has not tried. I figure the conversation went something like this...um God, I know you are terribly busy, but you know the weirdo that my boy is married to...well she has now resorted to asking me to talk to you to give her and me the grand/child that I always wanted and which she wants. God in his infinite wisdom replied..I know my precious child I have heard her prayers...which are frequent, and you also know that I have plans for her...Damn Damn Damn...I was so counting on it. Brad figured I would do this. He told me not to be sad, but that I had essentially caused my own heart break by putting so much into this day. Oh well.. I guess what put me over the edge was the fact that I looked at the available children list and the other agency in town which we went back and forth in deciding to use has FIVE count them FIVE children available..2 girls 3 boys..infants, like less than a week old. oh for goodness sake.... someone slap me because I am now gone over the deep end...

Brad's Birthday

Tommorrow is Brad's birthday. I am having a very hard time finding what to get him. I feel extreme pressure to get him something good as he always rocks the house with my birthday. More importantly, I want to let him know how important and awesome he is. Brad is very difficult to buy for. He does not read, does not really watch movies...do you see my problem here folks... Brad is my rock. My support when everything seems to be wrong. He makes everything fun. He brings laughter, warmth and security to my family. For goodness sakes he even buys me cute, great shoes when he goes to Brazil...As you can tell I am one lucky girl. Most improtantly he loves me with all my faults, and insecurities. Brad did not flinch when we found out it would be devasting to my health to have children. I thought for sure he would leave me, especially after everything I have put him through. ( Ahh the stories I could tell lets just say I can be high maintenance!) But he did not and tells me all the time that he is not going anywhere. I guess what I am trying to say is that he is great and I am lucky and I want and will show him all of this tomorrow. The question and what makes sad is I realize all the times that I have not told him. And really it does not stop at Brad but with my family, friends you get the picture. I believe we all have a life plan and maybe my life plan is to enjoy what I have and express thanks for those things and people. Much love!

fall and great weekend

Brad and I had a great weekend. We went to the Tampa Bay Buc v. Detriot Lions game. We are big Detriot Lions fans. I can't believe I just admitted that. Anyways, we had a great time even though Detriot lost. It was a good game I think Detriot played better than Tampa but maybe I am biased.

My sister who teaches high school asked me to speak at her classes at career day. I of course agreed (she is my big sister and can still whoop my butt). Ok..now what on earth am I going to talk about. Where would you start? At the education requirements, etc. I don't know. Suggestions would be great. I defintely do not want to be a bore and I don't want to embarass my sister. Again, suggestions would be great.

Since Brad left for Brazil and I realized that fall is here I have done a lot of thinking on our adoption. I must admit I thought I would be in a different place when we started. I really believed that we would be referred and almost done with the process. I know, I know, I can really hear you all laughing. Seriously, I did not realize that it would be this hard. I did not believe the wait would be this hard. I did not realize the lesson of letting go and let be that I was going to learn would be this strong. I really do tell myself stop worrying. The baby God wants and has for you will be there just wait. Just wait is now officially my mantra. Now don't get me wrong I am not down, or depressed etc. Admittedly, I don't know how I will be in December if we are still in this stage. But we are not there yet!!!!