Routine

Thank you guys for the wonderful encouragement on my firm. I think I am finally getting into a routine of sorts. It is a drastic change to be a working mother and then to top it all to be working for yourself. I am not sure I would recommend adopting and staring your own business at the same. But what is done is done. Clients are comings in which is good. I have an ad going out on June 8. Scary to see a cheesy lawyer ad. I feel really scummy about it but I need to get my name out there. Right now the clients have been referrals from the gentlemen I bought the firm from. But that can only last so long.

Lets see..Kiley is doing wonderful. Growing as a weed. Question for fellow readers...The pediatrician recommended/wants to redo all of her vaccinations?? Does this seem right? Anyways we had a great memorial weekend. We went over to our friends house where we BBQ and swam in the pool. The amazing part is that Kiley got into the pool and loved it. The amazing part of this is that Kiley did not enjoyed taking bath when we got her in Guatemala. I immediately starting co-bathing with her and she was fine. She began to actually enjoy taking baths. I really believe it helped our attachment. Anyways, since we went into the pool she has been a big girl and taking her bath without me.

I still have a lot of guilt leaving her. Its funny we get home and I am afraid I smother her. I am always laying on the ground with her, grabbing her, kissing her. I don't know if that is normal. I know that B has to pay some attention to her as well but I hog her. I realize or feel like I hog her because I am so insecure. Now don't get me wrong B, pays a lot of attention to her. He also holds her kisses her, changes diapers. In fact it is really cute for she follows him with her eyes and lifts her arms to him. But I still feel like I have to make her love me. Does any of this make sense. Am I so off my rocker??

MIA

Oh guys I am so sorry that I have been MIA. Let me give you a quick update. On Monday I opened my law office. My practice centers in Immigration. Ironic huh!! I actually purchased an existing firm. Needless to say I am excited but overwhelmed and suffering from mix emotions. I am on one hand trying to open and keep business coming in and on the otherhand I dealing with "bad mommy emotions" for having to go back to work. Please no flaming. I wish I could stay at home but I can't. I do know that once the firm gets up and running I will have more flexibility with Kiley. I am leaving Kiley with my brother-in-law (who is a stay at home dad) during the day. I don't drop her off until 10:00am and pick her up at a little after 5:00. My office is only 8 miles from my home and only 4 miles from my brother-in-laws. Also, since I am my own boss I can leave at any time if an emergency presents itself (or if I darn well feel like it). I guess these emotions are growing as I also believe I am suffering from some post partum depression. All I can say is UGH!!!

Do you see why we are in love!! Presenting Kiley Eileen Dafne Gruber!

Changes

How do I express or describe the changes that have occurred with Kiley coming home? I don't think there are words that describe it. I will say that I first expierenced the issue of not feeling entitled to being a mother. I felt (and to be honest sometimes still do) that I don't deserve this wonderful girl. I noticed in those times that I felt more like a babysitter. I have been working through these feelings and am fully embracing being this little girl's mom. Quite honestly, I am just so honored. Anyways, I have read and been told that it is pretty normal.

Kiley took to Brad right away. In fact when we first came down stairs and saw her when she first heard his voice she immediately turned to her head to him and gave him a beautiful smile. I swear she remembered him. It seems that our little girl remember her daddy telling her that she could not forget us. She and I have been working very hard to attach, I carry/wear her a lot on, co bathe, and do the feeding. I really believe it not only helps Kiley attach but it actually helped/s me.

So let me tell you part one of our coming home story. We arrive Wed the 4th. This time we stayed in the Marriott. Brad was cool and surprised me and got us into the two story suite. The space was well worth it. As I stated in my eariler email, the Guatemala coordinator for our agency called us and told us that Kiley would be brought the next day at 11:00a.m. as she had the embassy doctor's appointment. This was great for us it gave us an opportunity to get settled in. We had dinner at the bar/restaurant at the Marriot. That place was really good. I actually had a beer. We went to bed early as we had been traveling all day. We get the call and my poor mom. I thought she was going to faint. I was really calm surprisingly. We get to the lobby and I immediately go over and give hugs to everyone. Kiley was in deep sleep and totally covered by a blanket so I could not see her. Now Kiley's foster mom, Mirina, did not look happy at all. I figured this was pretty normal. So I go and take care of all the paperwork with our facilitator. In the meantime, my mom and Brad talk to Mirina and Kiley wakes up. My mom and Brad get to hold and basically love on her. After all the paperwork is done, Mirina then hands me Kiley and says "here is your daughter and please take care of her with tears running down her face. I assure her that we will and start to cry. We leave and get back to the room and my mom tells me that Mirina did not know that we were coming to pick Kiley up. Hence the really unhappy face. In fact she did not learn about us coming until after the doctor's appointment. So Mirina did not have time to say goodbye or get any of Kiley's things together. I was furious.. I had brought Mirina's phone number and I planned to call her that evening and invite her to spend time with us. Kiley was wonderful throughout the day. She smiled, played overall seemed to be adjusting. Mirina called us right after dinner very worried. She told me that Kiley was still on antibotics for a urinary tract infection. Mirina had not brought them with her as she had planned to go home right after the doctors appointment. I told her to come right away and we would pay for the cab. Mirina was so embarrassed that she could not afford a cab. I told her it was no problem. So we waited for her outside of the hotel. That is where I will leave you guys as I have already written and probably bored you to tears...Hugs...

Oh yeah can some one tell me how I can post pictures. I am trying to post a picture of Kiley for you guys...