Mindless stuff

Can I share with you guys something? You see it might be a little dumb but it is the little things that make me happy. Brad has his annual sales meeting here in town so I can't bother him so here it goes...I found a new restaurant for lunch. I just had the yummiest avocado wrap EEEEV--EVER. In addition I am drinking the best ice green tea latte EVER!!! All organic folks. Vegetarian... The place is called Infusion Tea. OK so it is a little on the pricey side but oh my Gosh was it so worth it!!! So the next time you are in Orlando try it it was so yummy.

Craziness that is called my life

Friday..Thank God..Well I have to tell you I am excited for this Father's day. I am excited as I have a good financial week at work so I can actually buy Brad something. I always feel bad for him. He really does the get short end of the stick. Since Kiley has been home we really have been strapped financially so I have not been able to get him something for father's day. This year is going to be a little different. I would tell you guys what I am going to buy but he reads the blog. (Sorry Papi ...no hints and I love you ;O) )...I want once again to brag about Brad in honor of father's day. I wish you guys could see him with Kiley. He is the best dad ever. I thank his dad and mom everyday for raising such a good guy. It is a wonder how I ended up with him. I mean it is a fact that when you have a low self esteem you tend to attract and date people who are not the best. Ok maybe that is not right now that I think about it. Every person we encounter comes and brings something to our journey of life. It is all meant to be. Life lessons and all. Gosh sorry I went off on a tangent again. The point is I was dating not so good guys before I met Brad. I normally would not take a second look if it was someone like Brad. You know decent, good looking, kind. But the universe had something different in mind. I did not fight it I just went with it. So here it goes, I have no special words for Brad on father's day so I took from EE Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

Tattoos

I have always thought of myself as open minded. BTW I hate when people start off sentences like that but bear with me here. ;0) I mean I practice Yoga and yet I am catholic. I firmly believe that God loves all of us and that we are entitled to be ourselves. We should not judge people as we do not live in their shoes. Certainly there are things that we should not tolerate at all as a society but you get my drift. Anyways, I have two (now three) tattoos which I love. It is interesting to see the prejudgements that people have about it. They really do treat you differently. My first tattoo is a beautiful butterfly which is on the top of my left foot.

I don't have a really good picture to post right now. I got that tattoo when I was in my early twenties. (Let me side track here and say that I met the WWE wrestler Billy Gun at the tattoo shop. He was so nice.) I was going through a rough spell at that time. (Think Brittany Spears drama)It was really weird I was so numb. I was just functioning. No joy, no sadness, nothing. I needed to feel something so I thought why not pain. Hence a tattoo on the foot. It was a good experience. I was hooked. I finally felt something.
The second tattoo is a fairy on my lower back. I decided to get it as I felt like I was floating through life, not enjoying it rather just flipping here and there. It is really in my opinion a cool tattoo. The fairy has brown hair with blond highlights like I wear my hair most of the time.
Now to present day. I got the UM symbol on my wrist. Now this is a big move for me. First it is a tattoo and Brad hates tattoos. Second, it is in a visible spot. I have to be careful in my work. Nothing like showing a judge a tattoo. But the UM mantra is big for me. It is essentially a reminder to me about being center. Sure it is a symbol of the life force. Which in my case is God. I need that reminder. I need to be center. I need something in my life to ground me. I need something that will remind me that someone(something) is in control and it is not me. I need that permission to be me and give the rest up. Does this make sense? If I am centered and reminded of this I don't panic. I do not live in overwhelm. I so hate overwhelm. I am not a good wife, daughter and mother when I am in overwhelm. So I was out to lunch at this wonderful sandwich shop. The shop happened to be next to the tattoo parlor that I had previously gone to. Before I knew it I was sitting in the tattoo chair. My artist name was Doug. Doug was so nice and really he understood my needs. He was very sweet. I realized that I have my own misconceptions. Here is this big intimating guy. Literally he was 6'2; overweight with a full sleeve and nose piercing. I fully expected for him to be harsh and make fun of little ol me. I mean really what is a 34 mother, wife, lawyer doing in a tattoo parlor. Then we started talking. He has an education in Finance actually he worked as a financial planner for many years tattooing on the side. He told me that he began to make more money as a tattoo artist and that is when he changed careers. Interesting right. He was nothing short than a teddy bear. I realized that I still have these prejudgements. Wow I need to change that. It was a great life growing experience for me. Isn't that great. I won't lie it hurt and Brad was super mad at me. I probably should have told him before I got the tattoo. :0) But do I regret it. No, maybe the timing and not talking to Brad bit but not the tattoo.

It is interesting the reactions that I have gotten. Since my other tattoos were easily hidden I rarely get comments about them. Sure the people that paid so much attention would say something. But that has been nothing since I got the latest tattoo on my wrist.. oh Nelly... . My grandmother was so funny she said it was just another way to identify my body when I am dead. My mom did not have a comeback to that. But you know what... it is OK. Maybe I will be a growing life experience for someone.

Martian Child

On a recent trip to vegas they played this movie on the flight. I have been wanting to blog about it since. I honestly do not have words to do this movie justice. I loved it. I recommend it to everyone. Although we did not adopt an older child I can relate to the emotions protrayed in the film. I debated whether I wanted to buy as I was not sure how Kiley would feel about it as she got older. I have this weird dream of her going through my stuff after I am dead (kinda like the bridges of madison county) and she ran across this movie. In my dream she cried as she had felt the same way the little boy felt in the movie. The movie made me more aware of her feelings about adoption. It makes us talk more about it. We talk about adoption all the time in front of her. But I still fear she will have issues with it as she grows up. The movie brought up some of those issues. Let me assure you that this is not a bad thing it is a wonderful thing. Anyways the movie was great. I laughed and cried. All I can say is see it you will love it.
" I don't want to bring another kid into this world but how do you argue against loving one that's already here<

Is it June already

I mean really, how does time go by so quickly. My assistant left today on maternity leave. Her c-section is scheduled for Wednesday. As a result I am by myself..as in BY MYSELF...ALONE...SOLA...now for some people this might seem good. For me not so much. I tend to lose focus when I don't hear someone typing in the next room. Or someone to remind me ... say that your client's brief for the appellate court is due on Friday so you may want to start it..Minor stuff like that. (Rest assured I finished the brief and it is in the mail.) Nevertheless being in my office today was not so bad. Poor Brad called me several times to check on me as well as my secretary Brenda. But the stillness made me think. Why do we fear being by ourselves. Why is it necessary to have someone right there. I don't know the answer it was just something I was pondering. Anyways, as I played today I changed my blog a little I hope you guys like it. Let me know your thoughts. I will write tomorrow about my latest tattoo experience. Oh yeah guys and I hate to sound like a scratched record. (Don't tell me you have not heard of a record we are not that old and if you have not don't tell me ;0) ) remember join RLC. I read yesterday 2.5 million children are orphaned by AIDS. The affect that this can have not only in a child's life but on the world economy is devastating. Please take a moment and think about it. Lots of Love..D

Happy Tuesday Everyone

Hi Guys,
So I finally was able to load pictures on my computer. Wow do I have a lot to share. I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend. We had a great weekend. I worked a little on Saturday. We went to Church on Sunday and I worked on my bobin lace (mundillo) with my mom. Here is a picture of how it is going.

On Monday we went to Disney. We had a blast. Here we are at the entrance.
Kiley loved loved loved the princesses. Here she is with Belle.



Waiting for Airel with Daddy.

After we told her she still had to wait to see Airel (she wanted to run up to her when she came out)


Finally we get to Airel (seriously 50 minute wait and there was no fast past..


Here she is with sleeping beauty.






This is how Kiley waited in line for Mickey. Oh my the energy.






I bored you guys enough with pictures. I hope everyone is well. Take care. Lots of love.

Ahh the stomach virus has hit little Kiley. Yuck..Actually it has not been that bad. My poor baby girl. We took her last night to the doctor and he prescribed medicine to calm down her stomach. She started to feel bad on Sunday. I thought maybe it was because we had a big day on Saturday, not so much. Anyways, Kiley and I went to toddler yoga together. It was so much fun. I do Yoga everyday and Kiley loves to join in. Kiley did very well in the class environment. I am so happy to have a little one and one time with her. I wish I could take pictures in the class it is so cute to see all the little kids doing little poses. I will update tomorrow. Remember guys join RLC.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Our weekend was fabulous. We spent the entire weekend as a family. I loved it. My nephew Austin's birthday party was on Saturday. Austin is total boy. He loves WWE wrestling so that was the theme. My sister rented an inflatable water slide. Kiley was having none of it. She screamed anytime we tried to get her close to it. I think the size really threw off. I got on it with my sisters (and the kids). It was so much fun. My sister ended up spraining her ankle while sliding down but she is OK. Honestly, she was too busy laughing to feel any pain. When she called me in early morning after returning from the hospital I could not help having the giggles. I guess we are a little to old for these things.

Sunday was spent at church, laundry, and my with my mommy. On a side note my mom is teaching me how to do Mundillo (bobbin-lace). It is really cool and a lot harder than I thought. Hopefully I can post some pictures of my works. :0) WE will see. Nevertheless this is what it looks like.
How much more could I ask for.

self doubt

Today has been one of those days that I doubt myself. Have you ever had one of these days. It is driving me nuts because it seems that every time I question myself more opportunities for problems occur. OK so maybe I am a little dramatic here. Brad says I am getting myself worked up. So here is the lesson I am learning. If you let a little self doubt kick in it is not necessarily a bad thing. It makes you aware and that is OK however you need to let it go..Feel the emotion, understand it and let it go...Deep slow breaths.. Let me share with you guys my story that caused this lovely topic. Brad this morning asked me if I was enjoying my car and driving a stick. Let me emphasize that he nicely asked me how I was doing with the shift stick driving. Back track to yesterday I did not stall the vehicle once. It was so much fun driving I loved it. I told Brad that I was great and he left for work..Subconsciously I must have been thinking otherwise for I stalled seven times on my way to work. A few of my cases (which had no earthly reason to, got messed up at the court so I had to go and put out some fires there..Then I could not get the car into reverse at the courthouse so I jumped the parking curb almost taking out the meter. I am not lying folks. So embarrassing!!! As any and every female I cried. Then called Brad because of course it was his fault, then apologized to him (and the car). Brad reminded me that I could do it and I took deep breathe said to myself "Dennise you can do this" and a little (big) prayer and off Herbie and I went. I know this might sound crazy but it is a true.. our feelings affect our actions.

This theory can be applied (and does in my humble opinion) to everything. I firmly believe we need to and we can change the issue of poverty if we really examined our beliefs here. A lot of the problems come from our unwillingness (unintentionally) to look and really believe that we can make a difference. Since we believe we cannot make a difference we don't take action and in turn do not make a difference. We cannot believe that we can help people that are living these conditions. We are either to caught up in our on financial problems and think I can't help myself non the less someone else. But we can by making people aware of your beliefs that something needs to change. Giving emotional support to those that are involved does not cost a thing. Like joining RLC or writing to your senators and congressmen. I was astonished yesterday to read that 15,000 people die daily in Africa from diseases. 15,000 folks . But it is not only in Africa. My heart breaks when I hear of the hunger riots in Haiti. These human beings are eating mud patties. A child was asked whether the mud patties hurt him to which he responded that the patties made his stomach hurt but he was so hungry he had no other choice. Lets change our beliefs. I am working on this hopefully there are no more curbs or meters on the way home :0)

Driving with a two and a half year old..

So Herbie, my car, I know not original but what can I say. :o) It is a stick shift. Under normal circumstances that would not be a bad thing, except this one tiny slightly minor issue of me not ever being taught how to drive a stick. Brad was wonderful sport and taught me. I will not lie to you guys I was leery but honestly it was not so bad. Well I am proud to say that I have learned to drive a stick shift. Lets talk about the lessons shall we?? It goes without saying that I take Kiley with me everywhere. Naturally she went with us on lessons. Do you feel my pain yet..Husband and toddler while learning to drive a stick. Yup.. My biggest hurdle in learning to drive stick was giving the car enough gas. As a result Brad would always say "GO GO GO" whenever I placed the car in first or switched gears..He must have said it more times than I remember for this morning as Kiley and I were going on the highway I hear "GO GO GO momma" Ah the gotta love the peanut gallery. :o) Love and Peace and remember to check out red letters campaign (RLC)..

I am so excited

Folks I have some exciting news to share. Let me preface this by saying it is going to be a long story, :0) When I was little girl we traveled to Mexico quite a bit. It is given that my hertiage is Mexican. Anyways, the first trip that I remember when was I was in elementary school. On this trip we visited the pyramids. Wow what a sight. I remember the size and beauty of the pyramids. I remember that the top of the pyramid for the God of the sun was very hot. Where as the top of the pyramid for the God of the Moon was cold. But what I remember about the trip was the poverty. I remember children younger than me running with us trying to sell things to us. I remember they offered to carry my mom's backpack up the pyramid for a little coin. My eyes were awaken that trip. I was awaken to the vastness of poverty. I was awaken to the goodness of people. That same trip I got separated from my family (if you ask my mom she says I got lost) in a small village market. I was enthralled with this lovely women who was performing a puppet show. I sat down on the mud floor with her children to help them eat while watching the show. My mom and dad found me a little while later with their hearts in their throats. Anyways, the trip for me was not about the pyramids, it was about the goodness of people and how extreme the poverty was. Ever since this trip I have felt called to do something about poverty. Now the opportunity has arisen. As you can see on the upper right hand of my blog is a link to Red Letters Campaign. If you have read Angel's blog http://thevoiceofadventure.blogspot.com/you totally understand this group. Click on Faiths Journey Continues link on the right. This is what the Red Letters Campaign (RLC) states " We at the Red Letters Campaign (RLC) believe that YOU have the power to reduce extreme poverty, fight preventable disease and connect orphans with loving families. Our mission is to provide you the tools and a network of partners and like-minded people that enable you to be an active part of the solution - the way you want to participate."

Take a look everyone and join us...at http://www.redletterscampaign.com/

so here is my car... I am in love.....

Vehicle search

Since I 've been MIA let me catch you guys up with our dealings. Kiley is now 2 1/2 ,a full toddler. I can not tell you how often I hear "NO" and we have tantrums galore. But I love it. Sure I lose a lot of patience and a lot more grey hair ;0).

Kiley is obsessed with Nemo. I do not know what is worst hearing the entire soundtrack of Nemo or the Wiggles. Seriously, we listen to Nemo on the way to and from daycare. Did I mention that we listen to it too and from..Do you feel my pain? I can recite the entire soundtrack per verbatim. I often tell myself that I am going to miss these days so I don't throw the CD out the window. I have tried the "Nemo is sleeping bit" but my little one is way too smart for that. In other words she calls the bull shit flag. Ah the joys of motherhood.

I would post pictures but I lost/misplaced the cable to the camera. I know brilliant move on my part. In my defense, I kept it in the box and put in a place so I would not loose it. Anyways, Brad promises to buy me the USB cable so I can download sometime this week. Take my word for it she is healthy and absolutely beautiful.

Lets see what else...Oh yes, business..Well I still have my firm it is slowly but surely getting there. Not enough money so I am still searching for a part time college teaching job. Many applications no go so far. Still I am optimistic.

As for the title of this post. We turned in my car last October. We have been borrowing our friend's minivan. Their generosity is incredible but it must come to and end. Anyways we are searching for a lovely used car to buy. The catch is our credit is let us say not the best and leave it at that. We therefore are not going to the big dealerships. So this weekend we were out looking. Um can I tell you how much I hate used car salesmen. It was so funny. Seriously there was one guy that looked so much like Joey Fatone. Slick hair fake Rolex you name it. Well I don't know how much progress we made as we are still a one car family. I am looking and hoping for a gently used VW beetle. I found one in the local newspaper that looks promising. Lets hope it works out. ...Peace and love...

Where was I? Well my sisters and I have the same sense of humor. We are very dry and sarcastic. Needless to say we kept ourselves entertained during the wait with our Nazi worker. We befriended this elderly gentlemen as he was waiting for his wife all by himself. No one should wait for their loved one regardless of the procedure by themselves. Especially when they are old. So we took him under our wings. We asked are Nazi for permission to change our assign seats to sit next to him. Kindly he granted our request. We then attempted to give him coffee, cookies etc. I am sure he told his wife that three women were hitting on him while he waited. :0) Anyways, a couple of hours later the doctors come out. Now I knew we were in trouble as the doctors did not make eye contact with us. I really knew it when they asked us to step into the conference room. We followed the doctors like little ducklings. I kept thinking mom..weird the only word that kept going through my head was mom. I avoided the looks of the other people solely focusing on my sister. You see my younger sister, Camille, is a nurse despite my education and age I defer and fully admit that she has a lot more knowledge about this stuff. I looked at her for guidance. Funny I could not process what the doctor was saying other than "we've had an interesting morning with your mother". Not words I really want to hear. I know in my line of work when I say interesting it meets complicated, means more work means not the result we wanted. In the end the tumor was not were they expected. Huh!!! Yup those were my words. Camile says in response "But the CT-scan said clearly it was hanging on the outside of the kidney. Well the CT-scan lied the doctor replies. Now this is the part were my brain kicked in. I've done enough depositions to know that CT scans don't lie. "But Doctor" My mom's main doctor stepped in and said we were just as surprised. If that was suppose to comfort me it did not. They proceed to tell us that after flipping and pulling and scanning the actual kidney they found the tumor. The tumor is actually in an inoperable area of the kidney. So the doctors decided to leave it there. I have to add that my mom's kidney function was and is excellent. It was either take the whole kidney or go through radiation. The doctors felt it was an easy choice given her kidney functions. I was really OK with this. The hard part was convincing my mom. So that is it. We had to explain to my mom that she underwent five hours of surgery and the tumor is still there. In addition she will have to go through more surgery and treatment. Now as you guys might imagine my mom was not to happy. She is on major pain meds so she is not all there. SOOO it has been so funny trying to explain this. My mom still thinks we are lying to her. My sisters and I just roll our eyes and repeat ourselves. Brad has been taking care of Kiley as my sister and I have done shifts with my mom. Kiley really does not understand why I am not there but has loved being spoiled by Brad.
I will update on Monday love and peace>

Mom

Long story short, two weeks ago my mom's primary physician (who happens to be a hottie and consequently my doctor. I mean really who can pass up a good looking doctor :0 ) called her in to review a Ct Scan. Next thing we know she is having kidney surgery to remove a tumor. Now relatively speaking it seemed like a not so big deal. Right insert nervous chuckle here. Her surgeons were confident in the procedure and really were excellent with her and us. So the surgery was on Monday. Picture this...Hospital surgical waiting room... 6:30 am. I was to meet my two sisters and mom at the hospital since my mom had to be there at 5:00 am for paperwork. Mind you I had gone over the surgery time with my sisters (i.e., 7:30am). Anyways, I get there at 6:30 after finally finding the hospital (three words morning no coffee). As I am running into the waiting room I see my two sisters who look pissed. My mom is not with them. My older sister Michelle tells me they have taken her back for surgery and that I have missed her. Um wait a second, her surgery is not scheduled for another hour. When the hell have you known a doctor to be early. Really come on folks. I wait three hours for my gynecologist. Sorry I digress. As Michelle begins to give me a lecture about my inability to be there for my family (I let it go she is my older sister) a nurse comes by and asks me if I want to see my mother. YESSS!!! I triumphantly look at Michelle and head to see my mom. My mom is wrapped up like a burrito and when she spots me she starts to cry. She tells me about how she did not think she would see me. Really folks you could push me over with a feather. What is up with my family? I am not, let me repeat myself, I am not a horrible person. I like and have been told by other family members that I am there for them and my family. I don't know stress maybe? I hugged her and kissed her and off to the waiting room I went.
I did not realize that day that hospital have assigned seats in the waiting room. What you did not know that either. Well I am here to tell that there are such things. Basically we had the waiting room Nazi. He went around with a seating chart got our names; wrote a description of our clothes etc. Seriously, when I went to get coffee I had to ask for permission. My sisters and I had a field day with this one. I am sure the guy had to take aspirin after dealing with us. So I am realizing that this post is getting way to long so I will finish tomorrow. I will say that my mom is recovering well but we have a long road ahead of us with the subsequent needed treatment. Peace and Love

Bringing up adoption

Bringing up adoption with Kiley has been the topic at our home. We both want for Kiley to know about her adoption etc. We thought we would start introducing the issue as she is 2 1/2 and really smart (bare with me I am her mommy :0) ). We played the videos of our visit trip and coming home. I reiterated how much we loved her and prayed for her. I also told her how much fun we had and pointed out her foster mom. Now we did not go into full details as she is still young. However, we are struggling , (lets be real who am I kidding I am) struggling ) with feelings of insecurities. I never thought or at least thought I had gotten past these feelings. First and foremost, I worry about Kiley. I so want to do the right thing here. I do not want to screw her up. So we played the video and my heart broke. The thought of her having any pain from feeling abandoned or unloved..just well I just can't imagine. Then I went to will she love me, will she be angry with me. Am I out of my mind here? How did you guys handle all of this? I hope I did not offend anyone. I am just writing my thoughts here. I would love to hear how you guys are handling this. What things you did to approach the subject. Namaste.

and so it goes

Darn it.. I wrote a long post and I accidently deleted it. ACCK !!!!

True Colors

I bet you are wondering where I have been lately. Lets just say I am learning to become a better mommy, wife, a better Dennise. How is that you ask. Well by taking care of myself. What you ask caused me to do this? Well, I am ashamed to say it was a mental meltdown of sorts. I have struggled with depression etc for many years. I reached my breaking point roughly two months ago. I don't know how I got to this place, but I did. It is scary when you lose your way. It is scary to loose your faith. I can say that it is the way it goes. But I would be lying. The good news is I am getting help and I do feel better. I am learning that it is Ok to be Dennise. That Dennise is OK. I am learning love and gratitutde not only to others but to ourselves. Why, the words of True Color by Cindy Lauper seem to be appropriate right now. I know I am so a product of the 80s. :0) When this world makes you crazy Don't be afraid to let them show..True Colors are beautiful like a rainbow. It is true (I know bad pun) but seriously, I have a belief that we are all good ( i just never applied those thoughts to me). We are even more beautiful when we let our true colors show. Show your true colors as they are beautiful like the rainbow tattoo I am going to get.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving guys

Hey everyone..Thanks for the welcome back to cyber world..I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We did. Here is a picture of us before our second thanksgiving dinner. (yes I said 2nd we had 3 in total don't ask)

We had a slight mishap on Thanksgiving. Kiley fell while chasing her cousin and hurt her left foot. No broken bones just soreness. She is still limping a little. Once I knew she was OK I laughed at her limping. It is really funny. Mind you it has not stopped or slowed her down a bit. I decided not to take video as tempted as I was.

We are truly exited for tomorrow as my grandmother is coming in from Puerto Rico. Kiley and I will pick her up bright and early tomorrow morning. My grandmother is absolutely the best. I can't wait to see her and have her wonderful (i,e,, fatting) cooking. There will be plenty of pictures of Kiley with "Quela"

Oh Yeah we did see the Wiggles last week. It was surprising good. This was Kiley's reaction at the show.
I think I have watched too much Wiggles as I am finding Sam attractive. :0)

Work has been steady this month for which I am very thankful. I hope and pray it continues through the holidays. Well I have this whole post to write on something that has been on my mind lately. Hopefully it will be more exciting than this post.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I am thankful for all of you!!!

I'm back

Hi everyone. Miss me??? I am back. It is amazing how quickly time flies. We are all well. Kiley turned two on the 10th of this past month. We had a wonderful time at her little party. I am pretty emotional right now due to numerous things but with the help of my lovely doctor I am coping. I want to write more but I am short of time. However, I wanted everyone to know that we are A Ok and I will post more next week.