DNA test

We got a call on Saturday that our DNA test was done on Friday. Isn't that great. I am excited and yet cautious. I hope the results are good. I guess part of me says they are lying to me. Our case manager said we should be able to get the results in two weeks. I hope that is right? I would love to go and see our little Kiley at Christmas.

Our thanksgiving was wonderful. My mom out did herself. Everything was yummy. Of course, now I will be visiting the gym everyday until Christmas at which point I will eat all over again. Oh yeah we also went and saw Harry Potter. I loved it. Highly recommended.

If you guys get a chance Deanna is having a hard time as of late go over and give her some love.

Thanksgiving

I am actually excited for our thanksgiving dinner this year. I hope that it turns out well. We are going to my mom's for thanksgiving which usually turns out to be bad. Maybe bad is a harsh word but not what I would like it to be. Well this year our friends John and Robin are coming over to my moms as well as their son John. Don't judge me but I hope it gives me a buffer. Besides the alcohol. (grin) Don't get me wrong I love my mom. She is a dear. I really do love her and think she is awesome, but she can be a little controlling Right now she has this extreme interest in Kiley's birthmother. Which under normal circumstances does not bother me. Yes it is important for Kiley to know about her birthmother. I am a supporter of that. What I don't support is my mom's obession with it. She has gone to the extent of telling me that she is going to do her own research on Kiley's birthmother? You heard right, she said that when she goes down to Guatemala with us she is going to find out from our foster mother, M, our attorney everything and anything about Kiley's birthmother. Yes my jaw fell to the floor as well. I was speechless and I unfortunately did not respond in time so I think she believes her actions are acceptable. I know that in reality she will not receive any information and will in all likelihood not even dare to ask about it. The problem is setting boundaries with my mom. I am so lucky that she and my entire family has been so supportive of the adoption. They love Kiley so much and she honestly believes she is doing right by Kiley. Part of me does not want to upset that, however, she cannot honestly think she can go around making statements like this. Am I overreacting? Am I afraid that she will actually go through with this yes. Am I afraid to confront her HELL YES! Any words of wisdom?

Back to Thanksgiving, this year is so special. I am so thankful for my husband and my daughter (hopefully), my life, my family, my blog friends, and yes even my new car ( I went with the Infinity). I don't know how I got so lucky and blessed. That's what I love about thanksgiving it is a reminder that there is good in our lives. Happy Turkey Day everyone.

BTW Caroline welcome to my blog..comment away and I hope you get out of PGN quickly!!!

Family Court

B called our case manager and asked what the deal was. She told him that we should be getting two updates a month. Brad very nicely told her that we have not received anything at all. To which she replied that she would check on our status. Lo and behold she called a little while later and said that we were in Family Court and our facilitator expects for us to get authorization for DNA sometime next week. I am excited but kind of upset at the same time. It is good news that we are already in Family Court and they I guess are waiting for authorization for DNA testing. Kiley's birth mother will meet with the social worker on the same day as the DNA test. I just can not help feeling like we are behind the eight ball. Kiley is already a month old and probably will be two months before the DNA test is done especially with the holidays coming up. I just have to belive it is all in God's timing. Oh well, I am so glad at least there is some movement on our case.

Gotha Mama

You're a witchy woman! Chances are that you see
Morticia Addams as a role model, and your
wardrobe sports a fair amount of black. The
other mothers at school pick up may look
askance, but your kids already know that the
judgement of others isn't what counts.

Decisions

I am usually able to make decisions relatively quickly. I get paid to think on my feet. However, when it comes to my personal stuff I have not and seem not to be able to make a decision. Now don't get me wrong. I can make a decision for Brad or if it involves Brad, the cats, dog, you get what I mean. But if it is about me and what I want I just can't do it. Does anywone deal with this.

I am trying to decide what to do about this car. This weekend we went looking at cars as my lease is up on my car. I have four months on my lease and I have reached my mileage. OK so I narrowed it down to the Lexus, BMW. B asks me to look at the Infinity specifially the M model. No problem. I read how great consumer reports, edmunds have rated the car. To be honest I have never even consider Infinity. So we go. The car sales guy is an ass, but that is a different story. I like the car. I like the way it drives all the bells and whistles. It is really pretty. Importantly, B really likes the car. We take it to the next step and talk numbers. B gets us a good price. Before I knew it I was signing away. We ask for the windows to be tinted so I do not get to take the car home. I am suppose to pick it up tonight. The problems is I am having serious buyers remourse. I am so fucked up in my mind that I have to question everything. I am driving myself crazy. I am asking myself thousands and thousands of times is this the right car, is this the right decision. Maybe it is because I don't have the car. Maybe it is because I am so uppidy and want impress everyone with my vehicle. Don' t flame for that. I have this complex that I identify myself by what other see or others proceed me as. I can't get a grip. I have been in therapy for this. Ok anyways so tonight is the night I am suppose to leave in 15 minutes and I don't know what I am going to do. I hate being indecisive . I just don't understand. UGH...well I will let you all know how it goes.

package

Package for Kiley sent today!
(I managed to fit the following in a one gallon zip lock bag. I even impressed myself)

1) sleeper
2) outfit with hat
3) two onesizies (of course one said I love my mommy and my mommy loves me) the other were sent by Brad's dad and stepmom).
4) socks
5) small blanket (hand stiched by grandma. I tell you my mom is awesome with stictching)
6) disposal camera
7) letter for foster mom M
8) our picture

Do you guys think I missed anything?

It was hard and wonderful at the the same time to send a package. It is hard to know that she is getting older and others are seeing her first. What does comfort me is that I will experience a lot more first than these. I guess part of me kinda feels cheated. I did not think I would feel this way. But then again, I also said I can handle this whole waiting game. (ha) I guess this has taught me how I don't handle the unknown or lack of control very well. I think it is awesome that my little daugher of a little over a month is teaching me that I am a control freak and I have to work on that. It is hard because I so badly want her home and I don't have a clue when she is coming home. I do not even know if I am in family court or when the DNA testing is going to be or whether it even has been requested. Well I don't know what I can do other than try to take care of her from here and learn to give up control. (yikes! ) We talked about sending a package once a month and treat it like she is in summer camp. I like that thought. So Kiley enjoy camp. We love you and we will come get you soon.

What element are you

Thanks Deanna..
Mine is really on point

Your Element is Water

Your power colors: blue and aqua Your energy: deep Your season: winter Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion. You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul. A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem. You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream.

What Element Are You?

FEAR

As we all now, I am neurotic. Really, I am woman enough to admit it. I am neurotic, overcompulsive, a worry wart. In sum, I am high maintenance. So I woke up today with this fear that something is going to go wrong with our adoption. I mean like I feel like our little girl is going to be taken away. I don't want to put out that energy. There is nothing going on that should give me that idea. I just have this feeling. I usually trust my feelings. But in this case I don't want to. I refuse to. Again, I will not put that energy out there. Anyone else experience this???

I did email our CM and asked her whether we had a DNA test date, whether it would be held up because of the holidays. Whether we would be able to see our little girl before or at Christmas. Guess what!! No reply yet. I know... you are really surprised I can tell. The lack of response fuels my fear today.

Good news. we decided on a name it is Kiley Eileen.

Men

Ok let me preface this ...I love my husband but sometimes he just does not get it..

He is in meetings today...No biggie...He sends me this email telling me we are going to dinner with and he leaves it blank...I reply with who are we going to dinner with?? He replies and says with B and btw be careful my laptop is attached to the projector so everyone is going to see what you write..Umm then why did you email me...better yet...why did you open my email..(in his defense he knows my pet peeve about not answering emails, but I knew he was in a meeting and was not going to be able to reply...back to the point.... he started the email chain..Am I missing something here??? Men!!!! Wouldn't it be funny, and I am so tempted, if I wrote him back saying something like.."Did Jane really say that Bob can't do his job..etc...it would be great and evil at the same time...As tempted as I am I will refrain..

Today

Things to Do Today
1) Go to Pilates
2) Do Cardio afterwords
3) Drool over gorgeous Brazlian trainer
3) Email Case Manager as to DNA test
4) Work
5) Buy more baby girl clothes and socks (they are so damn cute)
6) Work
7)Draft Email to case Manager again as to DNA test and when to send package to our little lady bug..but do not send ...afraid to be overcompulsive
8) Work
9) Draft other Email to case manager explaining that my pet peeve is having no response to emails..do not send...admit to myself that I am overcompulsive
10) Call my best friend who reminds me the more I obsess the farther away it becomes. She sucks!!!!

It is sad when you resort to lists to keep sanity in your life..but hey whatever helps you get through the day!!!