Vehicle search

Since I 've been MIA let me catch you guys up with our dealings. Kiley is now 2 1/2 ,a full toddler. I can not tell you how often I hear "NO" and we have tantrums galore. But I love it. Sure I lose a lot of patience and a lot more grey hair ;0).

Kiley is obsessed with Nemo. I do not know what is worst hearing the entire soundtrack of Nemo or the Wiggles. Seriously, we listen to Nemo on the way to and from daycare. Did I mention that we listen to it too and from..Do you feel my pain? I can recite the entire soundtrack per verbatim. I often tell myself that I am going to miss these days so I don't throw the CD out the window. I have tried the "Nemo is sleeping bit" but my little one is way too smart for that. In other words she calls the bull shit flag. Ah the joys of motherhood.

I would post pictures but I lost/misplaced the cable to the camera. I know brilliant move on my part. In my defense, I kept it in the box and put in a place so I would not loose it. Anyways, Brad promises to buy me the USB cable so I can download sometime this week. Take my word for it she is healthy and absolutely beautiful.

Lets see what else...Oh yes, business..Well I still have my firm it is slowly but surely getting there. Not enough money so I am still searching for a part time college teaching job. Many applications no go so far. Still I am optimistic.

As for the title of this post. We turned in my car last October. We have been borrowing our friend's minivan. Their generosity is incredible but it must come to and end. Anyways we are searching for a lovely used car to buy. The catch is our credit is let us say not the best and leave it at that. We therefore are not going to the big dealerships. So this weekend we were out looking. Um can I tell you how much I hate used car salesmen. It was so funny. Seriously there was one guy that looked so much like Joey Fatone. Slick hair fake Rolex you name it. Well I don't know how much progress we made as we are still a one car family. I am looking and hoping for a gently used VW beetle. I found one in the local newspaper that looks promising. Lets hope it works out. ...Peace and love...

Where was I? Well my sisters and I have the same sense of humor. We are very dry and sarcastic. Needless to say we kept ourselves entertained during the wait with our Nazi worker. We befriended this elderly gentlemen as he was waiting for his wife all by himself. No one should wait for their loved one regardless of the procedure by themselves. Especially when they are old. So we took him under our wings. We asked are Nazi for permission to change our assign seats to sit next to him. Kindly he granted our request. We then attempted to give him coffee, cookies etc. I am sure he told his wife that three women were hitting on him while he waited. :0) Anyways, a couple of hours later the doctors come out. Now I knew we were in trouble as the doctors did not make eye contact with us. I really knew it when they asked us to step into the conference room. We followed the doctors like little ducklings. I kept thinking mom..weird the only word that kept going through my head was mom. I avoided the looks of the other people solely focusing on my sister. You see my younger sister, Camille, is a nurse despite my education and age I defer and fully admit that she has a lot more knowledge about this stuff. I looked at her for guidance. Funny I could not process what the doctor was saying other than "we've had an interesting morning with your mother". Not words I really want to hear. I know in my line of work when I say interesting it meets complicated, means more work means not the result we wanted. In the end the tumor was not were they expected. Huh!!! Yup those were my words. Camile says in response "But the CT-scan said clearly it was hanging on the outside of the kidney. Well the CT-scan lied the doctor replies. Now this is the part were my brain kicked in. I've done enough depositions to know that CT scans don't lie. "But Doctor" My mom's main doctor stepped in and said we were just as surprised. If that was suppose to comfort me it did not. They proceed to tell us that after flipping and pulling and scanning the actual kidney they found the tumor. The tumor is actually in an inoperable area of the kidney. So the doctors decided to leave it there. I have to add that my mom's kidney function was and is excellent. It was either take the whole kidney or go through radiation. The doctors felt it was an easy choice given her kidney functions. I was really OK with this. The hard part was convincing my mom. So that is it. We had to explain to my mom that she underwent five hours of surgery and the tumor is still there. In addition she will have to go through more surgery and treatment. Now as you guys might imagine my mom was not to happy. She is on major pain meds so she is not all there. SOOO it has been so funny trying to explain this. My mom still thinks we are lying to her. My sisters and I just roll our eyes and repeat ourselves. Brad has been taking care of Kiley as my sister and I have done shifts with my mom. Kiley really does not understand why I am not there but has loved being spoiled by Brad.
I will update on Monday love and peace>

Mom

Long story short, two weeks ago my mom's primary physician (who happens to be a hottie and consequently my doctor. I mean really who can pass up a good looking doctor :0 ) called her in to review a Ct Scan. Next thing we know she is having kidney surgery to remove a tumor. Now relatively speaking it seemed like a not so big deal. Right insert nervous chuckle here. Her surgeons were confident in the procedure and really were excellent with her and us. So the surgery was on Monday. Picture this...Hospital surgical waiting room... 6:30 am. I was to meet my two sisters and mom at the hospital since my mom had to be there at 5:00 am for paperwork. Mind you I had gone over the surgery time with my sisters (i.e., 7:30am). Anyways, I get there at 6:30 after finally finding the hospital (three words morning no coffee). As I am running into the waiting room I see my two sisters who look pissed. My mom is not with them. My older sister Michelle tells me they have taken her back for surgery and that I have missed her. Um wait a second, her surgery is not scheduled for another hour. When the hell have you known a doctor to be early. Really come on folks. I wait three hours for my gynecologist. Sorry I digress. As Michelle begins to give me a lecture about my inability to be there for my family (I let it go she is my older sister) a nurse comes by and asks me if I want to see my mother. YESSS!!! I triumphantly look at Michelle and head to see my mom. My mom is wrapped up like a burrito and when she spots me she starts to cry. She tells me about how she did not think she would see me. Really folks you could push me over with a feather. What is up with my family? I am not, let me repeat myself, I am not a horrible person. I like and have been told by other family members that I am there for them and my family. I don't know stress maybe? I hugged her and kissed her and off to the waiting room I went.
I did not realize that day that hospital have assigned seats in the waiting room. What you did not know that either. Well I am here to tell that there are such things. Basically we had the waiting room Nazi. He went around with a seating chart got our names; wrote a description of our clothes etc. Seriously, when I went to get coffee I had to ask for permission. My sisters and I had a field day with this one. I am sure the guy had to take aspirin after dealing with us. So I am realizing that this post is getting way to long so I will finish tomorrow. I will say that my mom is recovering well but we have a long road ahead of us with the subsequent needed treatment. Peace and Love

Bringing up adoption

Bringing up adoption with Kiley has been the topic at our home. We both want for Kiley to know about her adoption etc. We thought we would start introducing the issue as she is 2 1/2 and really smart (bare with me I am her mommy :0) ). We played the videos of our visit trip and coming home. I reiterated how much we loved her and prayed for her. I also told her how much fun we had and pointed out her foster mom. Now we did not go into full details as she is still young. However, we are struggling , (lets be real who am I kidding I am) struggling ) with feelings of insecurities. I never thought or at least thought I had gotten past these feelings. First and foremost, I worry about Kiley. I so want to do the right thing here. I do not want to screw her up. So we played the video and my heart broke. The thought of her having any pain from feeling abandoned or unloved..just well I just can't imagine. Then I went to will she love me, will she be angry with me. Am I out of my mind here? How did you guys handle all of this? I hope I did not offend anyone. I am just writing my thoughts here. I would love to hear how you guys are handling this. What things you did to approach the subject. Namaste.

and so it goes

Darn it.. I wrote a long post and I accidently deleted it. ACCK !!!!

True Colors

I bet you are wondering where I have been lately. Lets just say I am learning to become a better mommy, wife, a better Dennise. How is that you ask. Well by taking care of myself. What you ask caused me to do this? Well, I am ashamed to say it was a mental meltdown of sorts. I have struggled with depression etc for many years. I reached my breaking point roughly two months ago. I don't know how I got to this place, but I did. It is scary when you lose your way. It is scary to loose your faith. I can say that it is the way it goes. But I would be lying. The good news is I am getting help and I do feel better. I am learning that it is Ok to be Dennise. That Dennise is OK. I am learning love and gratitutde not only to others but to ourselves. Why, the words of True Color by Cindy Lauper seem to be appropriate right now. I know I am so a product of the 80s. :0) When this world makes you crazy Don't be afraid to let them show..True Colors are beautiful like a rainbow. It is true (I know bad pun) but seriously, I have a belief that we are all good ( i just never applied those thoughts to me). We are even more beautiful when we let our true colors show. Show your true colors as they are beautiful like the rainbow tattoo I am going to get.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving guys

Hey everyone..Thanks for the welcome back to cyber world..I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We did. Here is a picture of us before our second thanksgiving dinner. (yes I said 2nd we had 3 in total don't ask)

We had a slight mishap on Thanksgiving. Kiley fell while chasing her cousin and hurt her left foot. No broken bones just soreness. She is still limping a little. Once I knew she was OK I laughed at her limping. It is really funny. Mind you it has not stopped or slowed her down a bit. I decided not to take video as tempted as I was.

We are truly exited for tomorrow as my grandmother is coming in from Puerto Rico. Kiley and I will pick her up bright and early tomorrow morning. My grandmother is absolutely the best. I can't wait to see her and have her wonderful (i,e,, fatting) cooking. There will be plenty of pictures of Kiley with "Quela"

Oh Yeah we did see the Wiggles last week. It was surprising good. This was Kiley's reaction at the show.
I think I have watched too much Wiggles as I am finding Sam attractive. :0)

Work has been steady this month for which I am very thankful. I hope and pray it continues through the holidays. Well I have this whole post to write on something that has been on my mind lately. Hopefully it will be more exciting than this post.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I am thankful for all of you!!!

I'm back

Hi everyone. Miss me??? I am back. It is amazing how quickly time flies. We are all well. Kiley turned two on the 10th of this past month. We had a wonderful time at her little party. I am pretty emotional right now due to numerous things but with the help of my lovely doctor I am coping. I want to write more but I am short of time. However, I wanted everyone to know that we are A Ok and I will post more next week.

I have been quite lately. I am going through some issues so I decided just to be off the net for a little bit. Everything is fine though. As they say this too shall pass. Right now I am listening to the Beatles and thought I would share this great video.

slowily raising head from Harry Potter book to say hi!! Will post when I am done. Does it make me a bad mommy that I look forward for Kiley's bedtime so I can read it?

Holy Crap the Wiggles are coming!!!
Background history Kiley somehow (we are still not sure how this happened) saw the Wiggles for the first time around Christmas time. Our house has not been the same since. To say she loves the Wiggles is an understatement. So as any good mother I signed up to their fan club and low and behold I got an email today that they have added dates to their tour and they are coming to our area. Now I have already warned Brad that we have to go. I might have said something like " your daughter will be in therapy and will say my parents would never take me to see the Wiggles". I am always the drama queen.

In other news lots of thinking going on in our home lately. It seems that we are all a little off kilter without Tiger. Still no sign of him. :0( Thank you for the kind thoughts. It has been so hot in our neck of the woods it is not even funny. I I am so excited that the new and last Harry Potter book is coming out. I had preordered the book and am waiting to see the movie when it comes out on Video. I do not think I can watch it in the theater too nervous. :0) Anyways, I am debating on going at midnight just since it is the last book. However, I can't find anyone to go with me. I think it will be even geekier if I go by myself. Well I have pictures to post but I am short on time today. I will post later. Hugs

My beloved Tiger is missing. Brad accidentely left the front door open and off he went. To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. Tiger is my baby. He sleeps with me and lays in my lap the moment I sit down. He is very loving towards Kiley and has always laid with the both of us. Please send some positive thoughts as it going on a week now. I miss my baby as does Kiley. Here are some pics of him..

Happy Father's Day

I made this for Brad. I hope you enjoy honey. I know it is a little early.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My goodness where has the time gone. :0) I was doing really well about blogging. Sorry! I do want to say to everyone, that I do still read all of my favorite blogs even though I do not comment. Business has been good for a while now. (Knocking on wood here) I am so thankful. I wish I could say that I have been able to take a paycheck. However, I am able to pay my business bills. That is a big step.

What I am struggling with is feeling worthy to get paid. I tend to be lienent as to payment. I don't know why. I feel bad for my clients. I trust them. Unfortunately this does not pay bills. Unfornately, this means I get burned sometimes. For instance, I had a client who owed me money. We get to court he tells me he has the money. I do the entire trial we get out and guess what all of the sudden he does not have the money. I was pratically in tears. I was furious. What irks me about this is that it has made me really leary as to other clients who I normally would give a break for (or work with). How do you keep the balance about being cautious and getting paid and working with folks. I really want to do the right thing but I need to protect my family as well. Any words of wisdom?

So here is the hypothetical situation..Say you come across a page on myspace of someone you know really well (and by really well) Ah hell here it goes...My sister ex's new girlfriend, you know the one that showed up at church last weekend, has a myspace page. Well I ran across it the other day and what do I find. A lovely post estentially critizing my nephew's first Communion my sister, and Catholicism. OK now I totally understand people criticizing my faith. Hey there are things I do not like about it. For instance, I would like to have gotten married in the church but we didn't as Brad is not a Catholic. Sure I was disappointed. Do I regret it not one bit. There are some major differences that I have with the church but I still respect my faith and attempt to follow it.

Back to the subject at hand, this woman (and really I think she is a disgrace to all women) essentially bad mouth my sister, and church. The problem I have with this and I really need to get over this. Is that my sister/family was extremely polite(too polite in my opinion) at the service to her. Essentially she was welcomed. I have to ask myself FOR WHAT...she goes and dishes on everything that essentially my family holds holy. Not to mention this young boy who was so excited to be receiving the sacrament..She just S***t on. So the reason why I am writing is that guess who is coming to my nephew's birthday party on Sunday..Yup...So I am taking a poll...

A) Do I confront her at the beginning?

B) Do I confront her at the end?

c) Do I confront at all..(THIS IS PROBABLY NOT AN OPTION as I am so pissed..but I am always open) ;o)

I leave you with a picture of Kiley. I think she is obsessed with her pacifiers..

I am embarrassed to say that Mother's day started a little early for me. On Friday I took my mother and treated us to a pedicure and manicure. Then we all went to dinner at our favorite mexican restaurant. It was sad in one way. As my mom and I sat there getting our nails done with really nothing to talk about. Nothing..Silence.. I wondered if Kiley and I would be that way. I really hope not. Not that we have an animosity with one another it was just well quiet. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be Kiley's best friend. Although I would not mind. But it is my heart's desire to have a realtionship with her. A good relationship one where we communicate etc. This is something I don't have with my mom. Yes I know my mom loves me. She loves me in her way. Defintely not unconditionally. I have learned that that is how my mom is. Nothing more, nothing less. How can I prevent this from happening with Kiley? I certainly think my mom did not expect for our relationship to develop the way it did. I don't know and I wish I had the answers.

Mother's Day was a great day. I woke up to my baby girl next to me. Her little hand was touching my face. What a better way to wake up. Brad took over all of the baby duties which was nice. We spent the day at the pool and then went to church services that night. My two nephews made their first Communion so it was an extra special day. When my family gets together there is always drama. In this case, my sister's ex husband showed up to the church with his girlfriend. Classy huh! Well that would have been OK had I not read her page on myspace about the service. Lets just say B*&*&, That is the entry in itself..Anyways, during the service they had the blessings of the mothers. I must admit I felt like a fraud when the priest initially ask the mothers to stand up. But as I bowed down my head for the blessing my little girl lifted her arms for me to pick her up. My feelings at least momentarily were forgotten.

As mother's day approaches I found myself this morning reflecting on what kind of mother I am. What kind of mother do I strive to be? What type of mother did I think I would be? Do any of these meet? I looked at Kiley's little face and a big part of me has failed. I have failed to be who I thought I was going to be as mother. I turn out to be someone who is winging it. I guess I believe mothers have all the right answers. I honestly do not have all the answers. When I thin about it I have few answers ;0) I also believe mothers have the patience of a saint. I do not. Especially in a croweded restaurant where she decides to lay down on the floor with her back arch and scream bloody murder. I told you guys it was her nap time. Anways, what I do know is that I love that little girl with all my heart and soul ( I also love dh, kitties and doggie in the same measure). This morning I promised Kiley that I would be more patient, more understanding and maybe one day I can honestly earn the title of Mother.

Hi everyone! Our weekend was jam packed. It started by going out Friday night to do a little shopping.. Oh yes it felt so nice! There was this hot pair of shoes by Steve Madden that I just fell in love with but alas I restrained myself. Damn..Seriously I must have a shoe addiction because I have dreamt about those darn shoes. :o) Saturday we when to John and Krissy's graduation party. Now John and Krissy are dear friends of ours. Their parents are Kiley's godparents. Did everyone follow that? Anyways, their party was held at a wonderful restaurant downtown. No problem except the party fell at Kiley's nap time. I was a little worried about this. Bless her heart Kiley tried her darn est to hold off. She made it an hour past her nap time and bamm the trouble began. We left early. :0( Sunday we spent it at our good friend's pool. We had a wonderful time. Here are some pictures of our vacation.

Vacation what a wonderful word. Although ours was short it was awesome. The fun started early for both Brad and I as we watched Kiley light up when she saw us both at daycare. She thought that was the funniest thing ever that it was the two of us. We headed off from there! Let me tell you guys Kiley does not do well on long car rides. The two hour drive well was long. ;0) She was ready to get out and play by the time we got there. The hotel was outstanding and the view breathtaking. Kiley immediately made her self known by throwing kisses and saying hi to the nice ladys working at the check in counter. She immediately knew she was somewhere special. (Especially after getting a couple of mickey mouse stickers from the employees). We went to our room and then went down for an early dinner. We then walked by the beach to see the sunset. We did call it an early night. The rest of the vacation was spent in the sand and pool. I will post pictures on Monday.

Oh Yeah, what was up with Greys last night. I was not crazy about how they ended it.

Vacation

We are leaving tomorrow for Vacation. We are just going to vero beach for a long weekend. It is going to be a well needed break. I have court in the morning so we are leaving after that. We are actually going to celebrate our 7th Wedding anniversary. I cannot believe it has been seven years. I am one lucky girl. I cannot wait to see how Kiley will react to the beach. I bought her a new bathing suit and everything. We did take her last year to coccoa beach but it was only for a day. I am a little worried as to how she will do at the hotel. I will of course post pictures! till then surf's up! I know pathetic :0)