Happy Holidays!!!!

Well there is no turning back now..we leave tomorrow morning at 8am and land in Guatemala at 1pm. Kiley's fostermom, M, is suppose to bring her to our hotel between 3 and 4pm. I am very excited. I also realize how lucky I am to be able to spend Christmas with her. This Christmas I pray for all of those who are not matched (or suffered failed matches), who have not received their referral (and who lost referrals), who are not able to spend the holidays with their babies, or who have not conceived, who have lost their babies. You get the picture (grin). I don't know how I got lucky enough this Christmas but I am humbled by it. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and for my friends who are of the Jewish faith..Happy Chanukah.

Now if you will indulge me...I want to write a letter to Kiley for her journal/baby book.

Hi Kiley,

Your Daddy and I are coming to meet you for the very first time tomorrow. We are both very excited. I will admit that I am a little emotional with the thought of meeting you.

I want you to know that we already love you so very much. You are perfect and beautiful. I must tell you that I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and kiss your little head. I can't wait to see your big brown eyes and smell your dark hair. Your Daddy and I have waited a very long time to meet you. You are our angel sent from above. It does and will not matter what you do (either good or bad ) or what you become, we will always, (and I mean always ) love you.

When we come to see you, you might be scared because you will be in a different room with different sounds, smells and views. You might be scared and sad because M is not there when you wake up. You might be scared because M is not there to comfort you. You might be scared because you do not know what is going on. You might later be confused when you go back to M"s home. My little one, I wish I could take this all away. I wish you did not have to go through any of this. But it is OK to be scared and sad. Your Daddy and I may not understand all that you are going through but we will do our best to comfort you. We will do our best to reassure you that we love you and that you are OK. We will do our best to understand you and what you need. I ask that you have patience with us as we will make mistakes. Yes Mommies and Daddies do make mistakes!

My little Kiley I end this by telling you that there are so many people that already love you and who are anxiously awaiting you. They have given me specific instructions to take lots of pictures and give you hugs and kiss from them. So be forewarned. I love you and I will see you tomorrow.

I've been tagged

I have been tagged by my great friend Kristen so here it goes.

Seven things to do before I die (not in order of priority):
1. Go to Tibet
2. Do an Ironman
3. Start and fund a non for profit organization to support no kill animal shelters
4. Have a condo on Miami Beach
5. Cruise to Alaska
6. Go to the olympics
7. Be a good wife and mom

Seven things I cannot do:
1. Math, really I suck at it.
2. Sew
3. Paint
4. Keep a neat desk. (I've tried)
5. Keep my temper in check when I drive during rush hour
6. keep orchids alive
7. write left handed

Seven things that attract me to my spouse:
1. his kindness
2. his love for his family
3. his love for my family
4. his ability to let me grow
5. his strength
6. his confidence in me
7. his eyes

Seven things I say most often:
1. You think?
2. Come here Sammy ( our dog)
3. Your shoes are in the closet Honey! (why can't B, ever find his shoes)
4. I love you!
5. You must be kidding.
6. When is the interview with the social worker going to take place
7. Stop scrathcing the furniture Tiger (our cat)

Seven books (or series) I love:
1. Harry Potter series
2. The New Yorker (all right it is a magazine but I read it weekly religiously)
3. Anything by Lori Wick
4. America, by Jon Stewart...really funny
5. Pride and Prejudice
6. Wicked
7. The five people you meet in heaven

Seven movies I watch over and over again:
1. The princess bride
2. Love Actually
3. Dodge Ball
4. Say Anything
5. Austin Power movies
6. The English Patient
7. Napoleon Dynamite

Seven people I'm curious about that I'd like to join in: ( This is also tough for me. I will try so here it goes ) I don't think you guys have been tagged yet!!
1. Deanna
2. Lisa

Nerves

As the day of our trip approaches I am having a serious case of nerves. First it started out as nerves about traveling. Mind you I am use to traveling and normally never have a problem. For example I am ok flying into San Diego, it is not my favorite butI do not get nervous about it. I have also traveled internationally and I speak spanish fluently ( I am Puerto Rican). So that really should not be it.

However, now I am nervous about everything. My hands are always cold and I feel sick all the time. I am afraid that I am psyching myself out. I just have this overwhelming feeling. I am totally excited to being visiting my hopeful daughter. I guess the responsibility of being a parent is hitting me full force. I packed Ms. K's stuff last night, diapers, bottles, pacifiers, clothes etc. It also hit me that I would be leaving her there with her new toys. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I will have to give her back.

I wish we were in PGN, I know I am being a little selfish right now. I would feel like there is some end in sight. Not that I am complaining we have had two big steps done, DNA and Pre-Approval both in record time. But the fact is that the interview with the Social Worker and the Potential Birth Mom has not taken place (to my knowledge, as we all know my agency is not the most reliable and forthcoming with information). I still have a fear that the Potential Birth Mom is not going to show up. I still fear that my agency is just sitting on their butts on my case. Does any of this make sense. So in the end I feel very nervous about this trip. I can't concentrate and I am deathly afraid that I am not going to know what to do with this child while I have her in my care. So now I am going to have some chocolate.

We got Pre-Approval

OMG we got Pre-Approval!!!!! I am so excited, speechless. This is really fast timeline for pre-approval. Our DNA test was just done on the 11/25 and sent out to the Embassy by the Lab on 12/1. B is so funny and clueless about the adoption process. I called to tell him the good news and he said and I quote.."is that good??" At this point I rolled my eyes and chuckled. I briefly tried to explain the significance of this and quickly realized that you really can't explain this process briefly or accurately. He then stated" are we just going to bring her home with us after this trip". I replied "I wish honey but no" Which is the sad truth. Despite the good news we still have a long way to go...If any of you are interested in the process please go to http://www.guatefam.org/process.htm/ We are in the relinguishment portion and still need to get out of Family Court and enter PGN. Despite that we are celebrating tonight!! Everyone come celebrate with me!!!

Come fly with me

We are going to Guatemala to visit Ms. K.. Can you believe it..Five whole days..I am so excited and scared. We will be spending Christmas down there which is great. Now comes the problems..I know absoutely nothing about babies. I know nothing as to what she is going to need. Nonetheless this is going to be really funny.

Here is my list so far
1. Diapers..(she is 11 pounds so find some that fit)
2. Bottles (don't know what kind she is currently using)
3. Formula ( same as above)
4. Baby Bojourn
5. Bouncy chair
6. clothes (don't know how many outfits is it two a day, plus jammies?)
7. socks
8. Small toys
9. Stroller??
10. Gift for Foster Mom
What am I missing..I know I am missing a bunch of stuff..Help

99.992%

99.992 is now my favorite number. We got our DNA results yesterday and it was a match. What this means is that we can now go visit. I am so happy and excited. We are still far off in the process but one step down. We are awaiting for the interview with the SW to be complete so we can exit family court. I have now clue when that is going to be done. It was suppose to be done the same day as the DNA test but that was not done for some reason. Anyways, since we got our DNA results we are also now officially awaiting pre-approval from the US Embassy. Right now the embassy is running as long as 45 days. We can not enter the last court, PGN, with out preapproval or without exiting family court. So please pray for us!!!

On to blogger news...I am so excited for Julie she is in Guatemala as I write this picking up her son...and I am also really excited for Lisa and Frank they got Pre-Approval..Rock On!!!

I am back

B and I have been out of town for the unexpected funeral of B's uncle. It was sad and hard on both of us. More so for B. We got lots of questions as to the adoption and Kiley. Everyone was excited. I was a little annoyed as everyone kept on telling me how difficult it was going to be visiting Kiley and then leaving her..Ok like I did not think of that..I hate hearing "why would you put yourself through that" UGH..I know everyone means well but geez... Also I felt like I had to remind everyone that we were there for a funeral of a dear man whom B and I loved. Oh well..it is nice that everyone is very happy for us. We are very lucky.