ok...so I have gone ahead and done it...I got my hopes up that today, Brad's birthday, we would get a referral. I know..I know..how dumb can I be. What was I thinking. I was thinking that maybe his mom, who is in heavean, would have some pity on me and try to talk to God. Now, I know, who am I to say that she has not tried. I figure the conversation went something like this...um God, I know you are terribly busy, but you know the weirdo that my boy is married to...well she has now resorted to asking me to talk to you to give her and me the grand/child that I always wanted and which she wants. God in his infinite wisdom replied..I know my precious child I have heard her prayers...which are frequent, and you also know that I have plans for her...Damn Damn Damn...I was so counting on it. Brad figured I would do this. He told me not to be sad, but that I had essentially caused my own heart break by putting so much into this day. Oh well.. I guess what put me over the edge was the fact that I looked at the available children list and the other agency in town which we went back and forth in deciding to use has FIVE count them FIVE children available..2 girls 3 boys..infants, like less than a week old. oh for goodness sake.... someone slap me because I am now gone over the deep end...
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