I am sorry about my last post. There are some things that I wish I could blog about, however,I am afraid that the information and feelings could be read by some folks and it will make the situation worst. All I can say about it right now is that I am very bitter and hurt. More hurt than bitter. Needless to say any good thoughts you can send my way will be greatly appreciated.

I am sorry that I have not written about our day at Disney. It was fantastic! Kiley was an angel and enjoyed every moment of it. The minute we got on the tram she lit up. It was like she knew we were going to somewhere fun. It was a cold day for Florida standards. but that did not stop her. The first ride we rode was the mad tea cups. She was giggling..too bad I could not get any pictures of that. She did like the pooh ride. However, we did take it easy and only rode a few rides. The lines were so long. We did make sure to see all the characters. I was surprised at how much she loved Mickey and Goofy. We are planning to go back in a couple of months.

Here are some pictures of our awesome day!

Daddy and I are so excited to ride the tram!


Um what do you mean I have to wait in line?


Mommy where are your ears?


Higher Daddy, I can't see Mickey!


This is the best day ever Mommy!



If you look in the background there is Mickey. She could not stop looking at him.





We were not so sure about Tiger!



Giving Mickey a "beso". The video is even cuter because you hear her squeal with delight.


So Daddy this is Minnie's house..


Mad tea cup ride!


Mommy why doesn't Sammy have a dog house like Pluto?

No words are needed !

Does anyone know how to password protect a specific entry with blog spot. Can it be done?

First I want to apologize to you guys. I look over my post and I cannot believe how bad my grammar is. I mean really it is shameful. The only excuse I have is that I treat this as a journal. I basically just write down whatever I am thinking. Nevertheless I am sorry!!!
Now that I have that out! I must tell you guys that we have a big day planed for Saturday. We are taking Kiley to the Magic Kingdom for the first time. I cannot tell you how excited I am. I will be the first to say that I am the biggest Disney fan. I love love Disney. Maybe it stems from the fact that I worked there for over 10 years. It was a great experience. It was also a learning experience. Anyways, Kiley loves the Disney Characters. She usually has a grip, which I can only describe as dark Vader's grip, on her Mickey doll. If you recall we had her 1st birthday party at the Character breakfast at the Polynesian Resort. It was a success. Unfortunately, the person responsible for taking pictures that day did not do a really good job so I really have no good pictures. I know...I was very upset. However, I have the entire thing on video. Back to Saturday. I cannot wait to see her face in the park. The colors I am sure will get her attention. I cannot wait for her to see Mickey, Minnie, Donald..all of the gang again. The wonderful thing about Kiley is her expressions. My daughter does not hide any emotions. You can clearly know what she is thinking just by looking at her face. This is going to be great. I will definitely post pictures.

On a total different note any Grey Anatomy watchers. All I have to say is what are doing??? Meredith cannot die. I decided that I am too emotionally involved with this show. I mean last night I started to cry when Derek started to cry. UGH!! It is pathetic that I am still thinking about it. OK I feel better now that I have that out.

Here is a picture of Kiley and me on Heart Day! Check out the crown. My mom made it for her.

My knight in shining ...whatever.

**Long post dedicated to Brad*

OK my attempt to quote Grey's Anatomy probably went astray. I love that show by the way. But in reality I have alot of similarities with the character Meredith. I think most of do. Just like Meredith, I have issues of abandonment and issues of self esteem. I became a lawyer because it was what I was suppose to do. It was a way to impress my dad. What I really wanted to do was play the clarinet professionally. Not to toot my own horn (pardon the pun) but I am a good player. I had a music scholarship for the University of Florida. However, I believed my parents when they told me that I was not any good and that I would not amount to anything. Despite the evidence to the contrary. So you are probably wondering why I became a lawyer. Quite simply it was because I wanted to prove to them that I could. Now if you ask my parents/family they will deny all of the above. It would figure, as pointed out by my good friend Shelly, that given my baggage I would meet and marry the same type of individual. But I did not do that. I met and married my McDreamy. My knight in shinning ...whatever. Anyways, on this heart day I want to tell you about why he deserves this title. It is simple he is Brad. Brad has been with me through thick in thin. Even before we got married. I met Brad in October 1995. My dad left my mom in March at which point our family went a little on the crazy side. Any normal guy would run. Not Brad, he took on my family as his own. He says he did this because we were already family at this time and it is his belief that families don't leave one another. He believes we all have those crazy family members and times. So Brad embraced my crazy out of her mind mom. I truly believe he healed her by showing her compassion and love during that horrible time for her. He has done the same with my dad. He loves my dad when I can't. He even loved my dad at our wedding when he yelled at me and basically threw a tantrum (all while we are walking down the isle). Yes I am still bitter. He has been there at every one of my hospitalization at every one specialist appointment. He even watched my liver biopsy being performed. Despite the fact that he really cannot stand the site of blood. All because he knew I would be awake during the procedure and scared. Now I don't want you to think that he is a saint. He has his moments. He is also the biggest gossiper. It is the running joke in the family that we cannot tell Brad anything for surely everyone is going to know what was said.
But in the end he is Brad. He is the one we all turn to when we are sad, happy and in need. On this Valentines day I am proud and honored to be his wife. I will freely admit he is the better person in this relationship. I am selfish, he is selfless.

I hope everyone had a great day. Thank you putting up with this long post.

William Shakespeare

Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no, it is an ever-fixèd mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his heighth be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

The evaluation went well. The evaluator was a woman named Cassandra. She was fantastic. It was a lot of questions about what Kiley is doing and saying. There was some interaction with her but mostly it was a lot of questions directed to me. She did observe Kiley for some time. Kiley of course thought this was just great, I mean after all she was the center of the conversation. She kept walking back and forth with her Dora ball. In the end she did find that Kiley was delayed. She found that she is more than 25% delayed in her speech and fine motor skills. I did discuss with Cassandra the bi-lingual aspect, but she still felt that Kiley should be making more sounds and words. Cassandra did confirm that children that are raised bi-lingual do take more time to speak. In fact she said they can be delayed up until they reach the age of five. Wow! She said however that it was/is great for children to be raised bi-lingual as it develops so many more areas of their brain. Nevertheless we need to take Kiley to another evaluation where they will pinpoint exactly what areas to target and what therapy (if any) to do. I guess I should have mentioned this before, but the program which we were referred to is the federal program (Early Steps_, therefore the "delay" falls under the ADA and is paid for the by the federal government. Cassandra said depending on what treatment is needed that the speech and physical therapist will come to our home to work with Kiley. That makes me feel better that way Kiley is in her environment. So the next step is going to another evaluation downtown. I am still trying to process of all this. I don't know if I am more worried now than before.

Today is Kiley's evaluation. It is at 3:30pm. I did not think I would be so nervous but I am. I will let everyone know how it goes! It the meantime here are some pictures!

Look Mommy I am walking!!


Here she is with our Kitty named Tiger. He is so sweet to her!



Having fun with Daddy!

Working Mother

As I was sitting waiting for my fouth asylum trial (of the five I had scheduled this week) to begin. I began contemplating how motherhood has changed me in the work force and really in my work. It was interesting. First, I realized that my work comes second. Or should I say my family comes first. I guess I always belived that, in fact there were mnay times I would state that. But the reality was that I did not put my words into practice, until now. I don't start working until Kiley goes to bed, even if it is 11pm. Even if I have two trials back to back. It does not matter. I worry about her when I have to leave her earlier than normal. But really the difference that I have seen is in my compassion. I will say that I always considered myself compassionate. I specifically remember my criminal law professor telling me in front of the entire class that I had a bleeding heart. He told me that life and the law are not fair. (On side note, he was really not a bad guy he helped get me my internship at the public defender's office my second year.) Anyways, I have seen a changed in me. I feel for my clients. I see their struggle. I see how they have to leave their children in their home country so they can try to make a better life for them. I feel for them because they are separated and worried to death about them. All they want is to bring them here with them. I feel bad when their asylum case denied. I feel bad because I worry about their children and them. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "I am doing this for my children", or "what can I do about my children". "what am I going to do". It seems that all of this has taken a different meaning for me now. So here is my story! I am a mommy and wife first, then a lawyer.