Changes

How do I express or describe the changes that have occurred with Kiley coming home? I don't think there are words that describe it. I will say that I first expierenced the issue of not feeling entitled to being a mother. I felt (and to be honest sometimes still do) that I don't deserve this wonderful girl. I noticed in those times that I felt more like a babysitter. I have been working through these feelings and am fully embracing being this little girl's mom. Quite honestly, I am just so honored. Anyways, I have read and been told that it is pretty normal.

Kiley took to Brad right away. In fact when we first came down stairs and saw her when she first heard his voice she immediately turned to her head to him and gave him a beautiful smile. I swear she remembered him. It seems that our little girl remember her daddy telling her that she could not forget us. She and I have been working very hard to attach, I carry/wear her a lot on, co bathe, and do the feeding. I really believe it not only helps Kiley attach but it actually helped/s me.

So let me tell you part one of our coming home story. We arrive Wed the 4th. This time we stayed in the Marriott. Brad was cool and surprised me and got us into the two story suite. The space was well worth it. As I stated in my eariler email, the Guatemala coordinator for our agency called us and told us that Kiley would be brought the next day at 11:00a.m. as she had the embassy doctor's appointment. This was great for us it gave us an opportunity to get settled in. We had dinner at the bar/restaurant at the Marriot. That place was really good. I actually had a beer. We went to bed early as we had been traveling all day. We get the call and my poor mom. I thought she was going to faint. I was really calm surprisingly. We get to the lobby and I immediately go over and give hugs to everyone. Kiley was in deep sleep and totally covered by a blanket so I could not see her. Now Kiley's foster mom, Mirina, did not look happy at all. I figured this was pretty normal. So I go and take care of all the paperwork with our facilitator. In the meantime, my mom and Brad talk to Mirina and Kiley wakes up. My mom and Brad get to hold and basically love on her. After all the paperwork is done, Mirina then hands me Kiley and says "here is your daughter and please take care of her with tears running down her face. I assure her that we will and start to cry. We leave and get back to the room and my mom tells me that Mirina did not know that we were coming to pick Kiley up. Hence the really unhappy face. In fact she did not learn about us coming until after the doctor's appointment. So Mirina did not have time to say goodbye or get any of Kiley's things together. I was furious.. I had brought Mirina's phone number and I planned to call her that evening and invite her to spend time with us. Kiley was wonderful throughout the day. She smiled, played overall seemed to be adjusting. Mirina called us right after dinner very worried. She told me that Kiley was still on antibotics for a urinary tract infection. Mirina had not brought them with her as she had planned to go home right after the doctors appointment. I told her to come right away and we would pay for the cab. Mirina was so embarrassed that she could not afford a cab. I told her it was no problem. So we waited for her outside of the hotel. That is where I will leave you guys as I have already written and probably bored you to tears...Hugs...

Oh yeah can some one tell me how I can post pictures. I am trying to post a picture of Kiley for you guys...