PGN

Oh Happy Day!!
Wait for it......

Yup!! We are O...U....T. OUT OUT OUT!!!!

Can you tell I am excited. Thank you so much for hanging in there with me. It has been rough. Especially, because I left my old firm to start my own practice. It has been crazy. I will defintely blog about that later. ;-) You don't know how much your words have ment to me . We don't have a GC BC so hopefully we can leave soon.

How Much ???

Ok after that sorta uplifting somewhat positive post, I write to say I don't think I can handle this anymore. I don't think I can do it. What is the breaking point you ask. My darling husband pratically in tears at dinner last night. He told me that he is having a hard time waiting and just wants her home and pratically broke down. My husband is the most patient and wonderful man ever. He is my rock and to see him so upset..well...I can't do it. I don't think it is fair that we got kicked out and are still waiting. It is not fair that our case manager is away so I can't bug her to death. It is not fair that others who entered PGN way way after me are bringing their babies home. (please don't flame me, I am really happy for those families..really I am) So there it is folks. Please pray, send positive engery ...whatever so we get out of PGN. Kiley is 5 months for goodness sake.!!!

PGN Day 41, approaching the end of 5 weeks
Manatra: We will be out of PGN anytime now!!

Lightbulb

Lets get the adoption status out of the way shall we....It has been 14 days since we re entered and as of Sunday we are still waiting. ( Case Manager has a family emergency and will be out till next week so I have no news) We have been in PGN for a total of 39 days, five weeks. (But who is counting!!)

Ok with that out of the way I want to tell you about a wonderful lightbulb expierence I had yesterday. Sorry it is going to be long. As background I need for my sanity to work out. Trust me when I say need, I mean NEED to workout. I am so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who understands and accepts that part of me. So I go to Pilates twice a week, after which I do cardio for another hour and another day of Personal Training (the gym calls it Body Shock) and you guessed it Cardio. I like to torture myself so I do Triatholons and use to do Marathons before my knees said enough. Anyways, I am not trying to boast here. Really... I do this stuff as it helps my mind. I have struggled with an eating disorder for many many years along with having a bum liver so I need to work out.

Long story short, prior to joining my current gym I use to go to this little (now big) yoga studio called College Park Yoga. Here is the website http://collegeparkyoga.com/

The instructors Theresa and Calvin are amazing. They are the most spiritual and well rounded people I have met. I absoutlely love them. The type of yoga at the studio is "hot yoga". In other words you sweat your ass off. More importantly you sweat all the impurties, all the tension all the bad energy and you defintely clear your chakras. ( I know I am sounding hippie just go with it) Well last night I decided I needed to go to Yoga. I have been working like crazy and with the adoption I figured I needed to center. I needed to sweat. Plus my second chakra needed some TLC. So I went last night. I will freely admit I have not been in a good space about the adoption. I have been angry and sad. I have not wanted to write about it as not to be a bore and be a downer. Plus, I really want to remain positive. So for all those reasons I went to class. During the class Theresa and Calvin talk. They give their two cents about life if you will. Theresa was talking about the need to stay in the present and to let everything go. We cannot change what happened in the past and we certaintly can not help what is in the future. We only can deal with the present.

While she said this I was thinking "helloooooo that is easier said then done." Theresa continued and said essentially "each moment is important...each second is important..no moment is more important than the other.. we must honor each moment and give thanks for each moment...even if it is bad.... for we learn and grown in both.....Click...lighbulb went off...How arrogant have I been..She is right... each moment is important and by me worring (ok obsessing) I have missed a lot. I have given/missed those special moments with Kiley, with Brad, with my friends and family by this worrying. UGH..does this make sense.... In the end Theresa and everyone else has been right. For the current adoption status (which I will classify as bad) has taught me the value and importance of each moment. Damn it to hell we really do learn from each moment.... So there it is my friends ...Thanks for sticking to my long story..Namaste!

Mantra: we will be out of PGN any day now

PGN: Day 39, week five.

Glimpse

Glimpse of my day!

Wake up and roll over and check to see if cell phone and phone rang..(always on )
Check to see if email came in on blackberry(which is also always on)
Shower
Think today is the day
Hope today is the day
Say a prayer of forgiveness for wanting today to be the day
Drive to work with cell phone on lap (you know, just in case ;-)
Get to office
Ask all of the secretaries if anyone has called
Get an email from CM sending information and pictures of wrong baby- yup still don't nderstand how someone can do that...anyways,
Check email and voice mail continously.
Read all of your blogs
Oh yeah, and try to do some work ;0 )

Mantra: We will be out of PGN anyday now!!

Back In the saddle again

We are back in PGN Yippie!!!! Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers. I feel very relieved. I am hopeful that our wait will not be long now. I don't know if we have to wait another 20 days till we hear something else. Gosh I hope not. Anyways, I must admit I was sweating it for a while there. My good friend told me, correctly I must admit, that I was trying to control the whole situation and by doing that I would in the end push everything farther away. I looked at her like she had just fallen out of the sky. But then I thought about what she said and I realized she was right. I had to remind myself that I have to trust. I have to trust that there is a higher being that is in control and that I am not the only person involved in this. Kiley I guess needs to be at her foster moms for a reason. What that reason is I don't know but I have to trust that there is a reason. I know that I have a lot of growing up to do before she comes home. Maybe that is why she is still at her foster mom. Do you see what I am getting at. It may sound really crazy but you know it just makes sense. So along with continual positive thinking I am going to learn to trust. Trust that everything will and is working out according to plan.

In other good news Lisa and Frank are out of PGN after 67 days...I am so happy for them. It would have been nice to meet you guys but I rather you get Dominic home quickly. Also, D and her dh A, have been matched and it is looking good so far !!!!!

Mantra: We will be out of PGN anyday now!!!