Nerves

As the day of our trip approaches I am having a serious case of nerves. First it started out as nerves about traveling. Mind you I am use to traveling and normally never have a problem. For example I am ok flying into San Diego, it is not my favorite butI do not get nervous about it. I have also traveled internationally and I speak spanish fluently ( I am Puerto Rican). So that really should not be it.

However, now I am nervous about everything. My hands are always cold and I feel sick all the time. I am afraid that I am psyching myself out. I just have this overwhelming feeling. I am totally excited to being visiting my hopeful daughter. I guess the responsibility of being a parent is hitting me full force. I packed Ms. K's stuff last night, diapers, bottles, pacifiers, clothes etc. It also hit me that I would be leaving her there with her new toys. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I will have to give her back.

I wish we were in PGN, I know I am being a little selfish right now. I would feel like there is some end in sight. Not that I am complaining we have had two big steps done, DNA and Pre-Approval both in record time. But the fact is that the interview with the Social Worker and the Potential Birth Mom has not taken place (to my knowledge, as we all know my agency is not the most reliable and forthcoming with information). I still have a fear that the Potential Birth Mom is not going to show up. I still fear that my agency is just sitting on their butts on my case. Does any of this make sense. So in the end I feel very nervous about this trip. I can't concentrate and I am deathly afraid that I am not going to know what to do with this child while I have her in my care. So now I am going to have some chocolate.