My good cyber friend D, made an excellent point in her last post. I think my last post was a catalyst for it.. Sorry D... By the way her blog is AWESOME so go over to it. http://www.away2me.typepad.com/ I don't want Kiley's life to center on the fact that she is adopted. In fact Brad and his brother, Jeff, were adopted. He tells me that was how he and Jeff were raised. He states that he always knew that he was adopted. He says there was never a big sit down and explaination he just always knew. However, the fact that he was adopted was not the focus growing up and to this day. He was and is his parents son. Now Brad, I do not believe is the norm, has no desire to meet or find out about his natural family. He has simple information on his natural family which he is tells me is enough for him. Now Jeff was different, and as far as I understand attempted to contact his natural family and putting it simply he was not received.
My point is that I like all of us want to be the best mom for Kiley possible. Not the best adoptive mom, for Kiley but the best mom. I don't want her to be singled out because she does not have a baby book. I also don't want her, if she is like Jeff to not have information or explaination about adoption. So I quess my question regarding the lifebooks center on what I know about Jeff. I will also admit a portion also comes from all that I have read. So there is a little part of me that feels like I should do this. Is that right, of course not...but I must admit I felt that way. Does any of this make sense. Ok so in the grand scheme of things this is what I decided. I will update Kiley's babybook, take out the portions that aren't applicable. I have a photo album of Guatemala and all of the trips, her foster mom and the one picture of her natural mother. When and if Kiley wants to see it it will be at her disposal. We will go back to Guatemala, personally, I love the country and want to go back to see more of it. I do bring the Guatemala heritage first it is beautiful second it is really close to my Mexican and Puerto Rican heritage. Ok so I done now. I hope I did not offend anyone by this or my earlier post. I am sorry if I did and it was not my intention. Here is a couple pictures of Ms. K..isn't she getting big!!!
3 comments:
I haven't done a "lifebook" per se, but I have done an "bigraphy" book for Savanna. I think it is hugely important to do this when she begins asking questions about how she came to live with me, the people who were in her life before she and I were united, what her life was like. While I agree that life isn't all about "adoption" it is a very complex relationship that shouldn't be denied. I think any info that you can provide Kiley she will appreciate. The hard work you put into, whatever, will let her know that you are open to discussing whatever she wants to talk about re: adoption. More importantly, it will help her when she is an adolescent to have something she can look back on, if it is a life book, to help process who she is, where she came from, and who she desires to become. Those are pretty complicated questions to answer and when you add bicultural issues it's even more confusing.
Another point... I have 3 cousins who were adopted, one from Guam, one from Korea, and one from China. Two of the three really struggled w/ identity issues, the other didn't care much at all. It might be noteworthy that the two who did were females. I'm not sure if this is a significant correlation or just an observation on my part. Interesting nonetheless.
In short, everyone is different. What you do in love for Kiley will likely be perceived by her in the same vain. I think the lifebook is a great idea and one Kiley will appreciate when she is older.
P.S. The pic of Ms. K didn't come through. I'm dying to see her!
That a girl! Go with what feels right, not what sounds right. I think a separate book on Guatemala would be fab. And yes, you were, in part, a catalyst for my entry.
Post a Comment