I am told that it is a journey not a race

Country Questions

2009-09-04T15:28:00.002-04:00

Ok I was reading (ok trolling) on the Internet and came across the fact that September 15, is the Independence day of Guatemala. It got me thinking should I bring this up with Kiley? Should we bring the flag up and talk about it? So my dear friends any opinions?

Technology

2009-08-13T15:04:00.002-04:00

Ok so I have been trying to update but my darn computer keeps kicking me off. it is so frustrating. Ok anyways, things are good on this front. Tonight we will meet Kiley's new teacher. It should be great. I hope it is not too premature but I have been invited to go to Guatemala on a mission trip with my good friend's church group. I am so super excited. They are also planning to go to Africa sometime next year. How cool is that. I am right there folks right there. So much for the long updates. Lots of love.

Welcome Back Potter

2009-08-10T11:07:00.002-04:00

Alright so I have been MIA. I have been extremly busy. For starters I became involved in Christ Renew His Parrish at my church. Specifically, I became the lay director. This involved a six month commitment of at least 8 hours a week. Let me tell you it was a very healing time for me. It helped me be a better person. Ok at least try to be. I am learning to heal. It is so cool. Anyways, my tour of duty has ended per say. I am with the group until the new lay director is discern. So I am back. I am back to twittering, back to blogging.
Now I know you want to know about Ms. K. She is wonderful. She is growing up so much. She is bilingual. Makes my heart flutter. She is attending catholic school two blocks from my office. Whoo Whoo. She is not to crazy about it as it just started. I am hoping she will change. If not we have a back up. No worries. Here is a pic.

act your age not your shoe size

2009-02-18T11:53:00.005-05:00

I have given in. I totally admit I am a follower of crazy trends. From wearing a pink swatch, puffy bangs in the eighties to now....a twitter account. I know what in the world am I doing with a twitter account. In my defense I am a follower of meet the press so there. :0) Honestly, it just seems like fun. So come on along and follow me. Peer pressure peer pressure... So I had this great post, it was funny, it was sweet it deserved the Nobel peace prize..but alas for some reason I hit the delete button. Where does that leave us. Unfortunately with bad news. My good friend Sharon's young 18 year old son, Matt passed away this weekend. I am really sad and hurt for Sharon and her family. Please keep them in your thoughts. On a happier note here is a video of Mrs. K. She did not want to take her medicine. We thought it was so funny.

Flu

2009-01-29T15:31:00.002-05:00

The flu has hit our home full force. With that being said, let me tell you that the Flu has nothing on Kiley. It is like a speed bump to her. Now Brad, poor guy he is walking around like a Zommbie. I wanted to take his picture but he absotulely refused.
Ok so I am a little frustrated with this new addition to our family. Bella has attacked all of my yarn. I mean it guys. I cannot leave yarn anywhere. I cannot work on a project without being attacked. :0) I can not tell you how many times I have had to restart my girlfriends blanket. So torn up was the yarn that I had to use a different yarn. It is not so cute to come home and see my unfinished project in the middle of the room. So that is where we stand today everyone. Take Care,

New family member

2009-01-27T16:27:00.004-05:00

Don't get too excited. We brought home a lovely kitty named Bella. She is absolutely a doll. Kiley loves her Bella so much. Here is a picture of her. Cute huh...
My retreat was AMAZING. I was so moved. I was changed forever. If anyone has the opportunity to attend a Christ Renewal Retreat. DO IT!!! It will change you forever.

2009-01-19T11:08:00.004-05:00

Ok Ok I have been a slacker. My only defense is that it has been CRAZY over here. First our trip then, the holidays. But now things are back to normal. Or sorta. Brad starts his travel season which essentially means Kiley and I will be on our home for a few months. :0( :0( I have a church retreat this weekend. I am excited it is called Christ Renew. I will admit I am nervous as well. I don't do well in groups like that. I feel intimidated but I know and feel like I should attend. Brad attended the mens version a few months ago and my goodness it made a change in him. I saw so much peace. It effected him so much he led the following retreat which was this weekend. Bless his heart though he was really tired. Now Kiley really misses her daddy when he is gone. This is what I stumbled into when I realized the house was way to quiet.

Cute huh.. Our trip well I've been trying to get the pictures from Brad but he has been hogging them. But here are a few from my phone. They are not so great but you kinda get the jest of it.
Hubby skis very well. Me not so much that is why I snowboard.

This is what Kiley thought of the airplane rides

Times are a flying

2009-01-05T13:35:00.003-05:00

I know...I can not believe that it has been a month since I posted. So much has happened...Let me catch you guys up. My my my...Well first MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Our Christmas was great here is a picture of Kiley visiting the man in red

Brad surprised me for my birthday with a vacation. Yes you heard it..A vacation. We went skiing in Montana. Can I just tell you how much I love this man. Anyways. we had wonderful weather. Great skiing. (Actually snowboarding for me) Kiley loved the snow and loved to ski. She just wanted to go fast. I am trying to download the pictures so you guys can see it. It was so cute. Anyways..I just wanted to check in. Tomorrow I will post videos. Take Care everyone..I hope everyone had a blessed holidays.

Family

2008-12-01T13:39:00.003-05:00

Ok so my turkey was a sucess. It seems like I actually can cook.. :0) Seriously, not to toot my own horn but the turkey turned out great. Everyone ate it and some even took left overs home. So we called off the firemen.
But I want to talk about family and holidays. Why is it that everyone gets so crazy at the holiday time. I mean really.. my mom came back Saturday and cooked her thanksgiving on Sun., cool..not so much. Why you ask??? Because she flipped out...everything had to be perfect which everyone knows leads to imperfection. The food was over cook, the kids were insane... my sister was yelling at my newphews..My other sister just sat by and watched her kids destroy everything. DH was upset for some unknown reason..We left early which (due to the above) upset my mom..she is still not talking to me. UGH childish...Ok so the motto for me this year is to find the inner peace in this season. I must admit that I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays because of the craziness. I hope to actually be able to do it. Keep your fingers cross. In the alternative I always have the bottle of wine..

Smoke alert

2008-11-26T09:48:00.002-05:00

Ok so I am cooking this Thanksgiving for the family. This will be my first time having thanksgiving at our house. My mom is out of town so I volunteered to be the host. I am nervous and yet happy. I love the thought that Thanksgiving will be at my house. However there is a Slight, small detail..I have never cooked a turkey before..I figured it was insignificant..hee hee.. So if you smell smoke or burnt turkey it is probably coming from my house. I would appreciate any tips or receipes..I know that this is all last minute but mom's trip was also last minute.. But that is what Thanksgiving is all about....Unexpected, slightly erratic family and friend times...Happy Thanksgiving everyone.....

2008-11-18T10:49:00.006-05:00

Hi everyone..I hope everyone is well. This past weekend we attended and participated in a walk for autism. It was held at Disney Wide World of Sports. We were team Spud. (I don't know why or how my sister came up with the name) The walk was really well done. There was a lot of people. There was food and games for the kids. I applaud the group autims speaks who put on the walk. They really made the walk appropriate for the children with Autism. There were games for the children and volunteers everywhere. Children with autism tend to be really easily distracted. Autism directly affects our family. My nephew Matthew suffers from Autism. He was diagnosed with Autism when he was three years old. He is now 9. Matthew is a sweet, loving and intelligent child. His love for everything shines through. I have sometimes have a very hard time seeing him as I see a blank stare. It breaks my heart. It makes me angry as I remember him before the disease. I remember how alert and social he was. On the other side, I will selfishly admit that I am so thankful that Kiley does not suffer these problems. I have seen how this disease affects the family. It has drastically and dramitacally affected my sister and her husband. It has affected their relationship with their other son, with each other and lastly with God. Everything is struggle. Going to the mall, going to eat..everything. I pray for a day when there is something more we can do for Matthew. I pray for the day that the peace my sister is so looking for comes. Here are some pictures..

This is Matthew! Isn't he beautiful.

This is my other nephew Austin and Matthew

My sister made our shirts. I thought they were cool!

This is part of our Group..DH, Rachel, My sister Camille, and my Mom

2008-11-14T09:15:00.002-05:00

So I am trying to stay awake here. I must admit that I have not been sleeping very well. Why..most likely stress. Anyways, I ask for your forgiveness if this post does not make sense. :0)

On Tuesday we met with Angel and her family as they were/are in town. That was so much fun. Zoe, Kaitlyn and Kaila are just adorable. Kiley loved playing on the swings and basically was a daredevil. She was very independent. We are seeing that trend in her. I had a wonderful time meeting Angel and her family. They are awesome. Check out her blog faith's journey continues. (the link is on the side) The work that she and her dh are planning and doing in and for Africa is great. I did not bring my camera (I know sigh..) so I don't have any pictures.

I wanted to talk to you guys about this being three bit. Kiley is definitely acting out. I don't know what is going on. Everything is a struggle. Everything is whining. Everything is no.. She is not sick (thank god) No fevers, no ear pulling, nothing... I mean seriously last night we were trying to get her ready for her bathe and it was world war III. We had already struggled with her to get her to the table for dinner. Then the bathe. Time outs work but it is always going to be this way? I really am using my Yoga breathing techniques. Don't get me wrong she is still sweet and cuddly. I would not give this up for the world. Really she is the best thing that has happened to me. But my goodness I am exhausted from struggling with her. Has anyone have this issue?

Sorry...but Yes We Can!!!

2008-11-05T15:00:00.004-05:00

I'm sorry guys I tried and hopefully succeeded and stayed away from politics as much as I could on this blog. However, I had to put this quote down. I loved both John McCain and Barack's speeches last night ...but really this stood out for me..

"..For that is the true genius of America — that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow."

"....This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time — to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can....

2008-11-03T16:18:00.005-05:00

So Much to catch up with. I must warn you guys that this will be long. Kiley's birthday was great. It was small with just family and good friends. It was princess theme (as she is all about the princess right now). I bought all the ingredients for pizza and everyone got to make their own. It worked out wonderfully. The kids it seemed to have and really enjoy making their own pizzas. Here are some pictures.

Now Daddy's birthday was two days later. I made his favorite steak and potatos. Here are the two of them on his birthday. Notice the Ariel folks. Ariel goes everywhere with us.

Now for halloween, once again princess made their way to our household. This time Jasmine ruled the day.

Welll I hope everyone is well. We went to MGM this weekend and had a blast. Unfortunately I do not have any good pics. I know terrible mother. Anyways..everyone I will post more tomorrow. Have a good one. Namaste.

Find a Happy Place

2008-10-29T17:05:00.002-04:00

We have been on a Nemo kick lately. My favorite part of the movie is when Darla comes and starts pounding on the fish tank and the star fish starts chanting "find a happy place ...find a happy place". I think we all have days like that. Today is one of those days for me. Most what could go wrong has gone wrong. We try and we still get beat up. What can we do other than get up so I do. I will stop now...everyone together with me.."find a happy place find a happy place".

Happy Birthday Sweet Kiley

2008-10-10T17:11:00.002-04:00

Kiley:
My baby girl. Sigh...You are three today. I can't describe how quickly it seems that time has past. It seems like just yesterday we were holding you for the very first time. Kiley I cannot tell you how much your daddy and I love you. I love you so much. I love you like french fries love ketchup. :0) You are the smartest girl I know. You laugh so much. You love making silly faces. You talk constantly. At this time you are crazy about Nemo and Jasmine. You are getting the potty training down pat. You are so loving it melts my heart. Everyone adores you. You adore your titi Camille and cousin Austin. Your Uncle John is really your play buddy. You think he is the best thing (especially because he takes you to Twisty Treat). You eat everything but absolutely love your nemo snacks. Every night you have to lay on the couch with me before you will go to sleep. I cherish these times. Please don't forget them. I know I won't. While we lay there you always put your little hands on my face and gently pat my cheeks.
My wish for you today is that you always see each day as an adventure. That you cherish and enjoy this adventure. I am so thankful to have you in my life. I pray for your first mom today. I send her warm, kind, and grateful energy. I hope she can feel how well you are doing. I wish/ pray that you feel the love your two mommies have for you. For we both love you so much. I am sorry for the mistakes that I have already made. Mommy is trying. I hope that you grow up seeing and believing how wonderful you are. For you are. You are perfect my little one (mijita). Tonight we will have a family dinner and tomorrow a party to celebrate you. Mucho Mucho Amor..

Poopy call

2008-10-02T09:52:00.003-04:00

Ring.. Ring..
"This is Dennise"

"Mommy"

"Hi Baby ..I love you"

"I poop in the potty"

"You did ..that is so rockin cool; I am so proud of you"

"I want princess panties"

Oh Lord...where did you think we went last night...At our school when the kids poop in the potty they get to call their mommy or daddy. It was really cute.

Welcome Back

2008-09-25T16:47:00.003-04:00

Hi everyone..I've been away a little bit. Seems I needed to take a little visit to the hospital. No worries I am Ok now. I was admitted for a few days seems my heart needed a little TLC. Anyways, the worst part about it was Kiley. More like the being a way from Kiley. Ok more specifically, I being away from her. I missed her terribly. It is funny how your perspective changes when you are a mommy. Before I would not give it a second thought being unwell. Honestly I could care less. But then we had Kiley..Things change. Now I have a responsibility. The thought of not being around Kiley or healthy enough to run around or chasing after her was not Ok with me. Brad, bless his heart, brought her as often as he could. Kiley was terrified at first as she hates doctors. Few minutes later she was running the ward. Seriously the nurses had her with them. My mom was terrific and took care of her while I was down for the count. So I add this to the changes I see that motherhood has done to me. I now take my medicine as prescribed, follow up like I am suppose to..essentially try to do the right healthy thing. Here are some pictures.

Selfish

2008-09-17T13:28:00.002-04:00

I realized today how selfish I am. I am ashamed. My office currently is in very close proximity to the "bad area" of town. On my way to work today I had to stop for gas in the very bad area of town. I never stop at or in this area. Every town has that area. Anyways, I was on high alert. BTW what is up with the gas prices at the bad area being so high. I could not believe it. The gas was like 10 cents higher. As I was saying..I went into the shop to get a Krispy Kreme donut (drool now) and my coffee. As I was walking out I noticed that I kept my eyes straight ahead. When I say straight ahead...I mean straight ahead. Lo and behold this gentlemen walks by me and smiles at me. Did I see the smile..no..rather I saw the sign in his hand asking for money. Did I return his smile? No...Did I hear him wish me a blessed day. No..not until I got into my car did I realize his greeting... what a mistake I made. How can I claim to want and be upset with poverty when I cannot respond to a poor individual at the gas station. How can I teach Kiley to be compassionate when I cannot show compassion to an individual by wishing him a good morning. I know we have to be aware of our surroundings but we must be compassionate. So how do we draw the line.

Grandparents Day

2008-09-05T10:52:00.002-04:00

Today was Grandparents Day at school. It was so cute. Kiley loved having her Abuela at school. I dropped them both off and took these quick pictures with my phone. My mom said that Kiley did not want to play with the any of the other kids she only wanted to be with her. Too cute huh. I have a good relationship with my grandmother so it makes me my heart flow when I see how close Kiley is to my mom.

Ok so there are some big changes going on in my work. I just signed a new lease. In addition I am Of counsel with a bigger firm in my town. I am excited and yet very very nervous. I needed to do something to increase buisness and I believe this is a great way to start. Send me good thoughts everyone.
So lets see I would love to discuss politics but I think I am too emotionally involved. Lets just say I will be taking the day off with my good friend and going to the movies so I don't have to hear about the results.

labor day

2008-09-03T09:30:00.004-04:00

I hope everyone had a great labor day weekend. We sure did. We spent all the time together. On Saturday we went and saw the movie WALLIE, who knew a Robot could stir such an emotion. It was really cute and good. Kiley loved it. Then Sunday we went to Celebration a town by disney. We ate dinner at a great restaurant Colombia. If you come down to Orlando you must go to Celebration and eat at Colombia. Anyways, there was a water area and Kiley played and played.

Just a quick update. I will post more later today.

2008-08-21T12:25:00.002-04:00

I am or was addicted to the TV show Dharma and Greg, I always hoped that I would be like Dharma. I think we all wanted to be that free spirited that uninhibited. Ok, so maybe it is just me. I do believe in my heart that I am free spirited. I just hold back. Why? I don't know. Is it my belief that it is bad or am I so unsure? I don't know but anyways I found this quote by the writers of the show. I loved it.

The Buddha taught that the first principle of existence is impermanence.

Absolutely everything in this universe is impermanent.

Impermanence creates uncertainty.

I don't know about you, but I have a very low tolerance for uncertainty.

Uncertainty causes me discomfort.

Discomfort causes me to think stupid things.

Stupid thoughts cause me to take stupid actions.

My stupid actions bring about unfortunate results.

Luckily, the unfortunate results are impermanent.

Is this a great universe or what?"

Bling

2008-08-20T10:33:00.003-04:00

I just heard about this and had to blog about it. Jennifer Lopez, who appeared on Good Morning, America August 18th to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon, was overheard saying after the segment that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,” according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, [emphasis mine] and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ”

Ok as a triathlete myself I know how difficult they are. Seriously they are not easy. I also know that it is extremely difficult to lose weight after birth (especially twins) Really I am not trying to diminish her accomplishments. But lets be real.. come on Jennifer..8 gold medals. I could understand if we are talking iron man material..Nope now that I think about it not even then. This is real bling my friend.

2008-08-19T11:45:00.003-04:00

Just because I don't want to work anymore given this weather. What is up with the rules at school. I understand that we as society need rules but seriously ..Ok for me this particular rule about close toe shoes really irks me. I love flip flops and have put Kiley in flips since she was home. No problems on the swings. If we go for a walk of course I put her in tennis shoes but you get what I am saying. Of course it helps that Brad's company manufactures flips flops but I digress..Ok and I will admit I am addicted to shoes and have passed that trait on to Kiley. (cough she has 10 pairs of shoes). Fully understanding this we bought her close toes shoes. The pair I fell in love with is pink with a close toe and a strap back. I excitedly put Kiley in those shoes with socks yesterday. I thought ...hey what a good mommy. When I came to pick her up Mrs. Lindsay kindly said that Kiely needed different shoes..WHAT..I understand safety but there has to be a happy medium between safety and cute right. Mrs. Lindsay reminded me about mulch getting into the back of the shoes. Huh..the front yes but back? I am confused? I mean I guess I can.. the point is that I am so vain that I can't seem to fathom putting my daughter in tennis shoes when she is wearing a dress..Oh boy off to Stride rite we go. It is a conspiracy. ,

Hurricane season

2008-08-19T09:40:00.002-04:00

I am a sitting here in the office waiting out the storm. As for now it will not hit until later this afternoon. Schools are close so Kiley is with my mom. So here I am trying to tie up loose ends. Kiley's first day went wonderful. I walked into the classroom and she was playing dress up. She had on a Cinderella dress with a crown. It was so cute. She screamed my name really loud and gave me a hug. Oh I feel so much better. OK I am going to hunker down now. See you guys after the storm.

I'll take mine with a side of guilt please.

2008-08-18T12:32:00.002-04:00

So today we started the new daycare/preschool. Oh my do I feel like a bad mommy. The school so far has been wonderful. They have bible class, computer class, fun bus and playground areas. Super clean and the teachers seem super nice. I feel so guilty leaving her. Why you ask???? Because she seemed so small to be in a classroom. I turned around as I was leaving and I saw her sitting in her chair and I just started crying. I also have to mention that I took her this morning for her vaccinations. OK sensitive subject here but remember I come from a place of hurt. I have a nephew who is autistic and I will leave it at that. I waited for Kiley's immune system to develop before giving her these immunizations. My God did hurt watching her go through those shots. So here I am taking her to the doctor this morning having her have shots then dropping her off at some new place. Hence some one please pass me the side of guilt.

2008-08-13T16:12:00.003-04:00

So I am officially off caffine (cold turkey I might add)... alright not by choice. It stinks folks. The headaches, the fogginess. I could not believe that caffine can affects us/me like it does. Anyways, I did not drink a lot of caffine, I would have my cup of coffee in the morning and a can of diet coke with lunch. Not bad. Well my cardiologist (who happens to be hot) nicely asked me to stop drinking any caffine. Well since he asked nicely and I am a sucker I agreed.. I know ..at least he did not say no to the alcohol..(just kidding) Today is the first day. I hope it gets better. Here are some funny pictures I took of Kiley and I with my phone.

2008-08-08T13:13:00.002-04:00

It did not go well..I feel terrible. Our babysitter cried and cried. Not good folks not good at all. I feel like such a heel...

breaking up

2008-08-07T17:16:00.002-04:00

Breaking up is hard to do. No Brad and I are fine..sorry if I scared anyone. We are leaving our babysitters. We have enrolled Kiley in a preschool close to our home. I don't want to leave our babysitter as I think the world of her. But at the same time the care has not been the same. She has been going through some issues and well anyways. We have been on the waiting list for this preschool for two years. It really is a good school, they already teach them computer skills, they have dance class, bible class. I am excited and yet sad. I don't want to hurt our babysitter but I also think it is time to move on. I will let you guys know how it goes. We have been kinda preparing Kiley for going to school and she has been pretty adamant about not going to "school". We will see. Of course we have not taken her there yet to meet the other kids. Open house is on the 15th. I know we can always go back to our Babysitters if it does not work out . I just feel really bad about it. I am also extremely nervous. I want to do the right thing for Kiley and for us. I really do wish this was easier. :0)

2008-08-05T14:05:00.002-04:00

I love doctors.. I have been having some shortness of breathe for the past two days. When I say shortness of breath I mean I feel like I have been running but I have not been off my fat butt in a few weeks. We can all be in agreement that shortness of breath is not normal. Right...After having these symptoms for two days I called my cardiologist. I figured he would want to know. His nurse called me back and the questions she asked for some reason irritated me. "Have I taken tyneol, advil or tums" really tums for shortness of breathe. Ok I admit I am not a doctor and I really do not claim to be but Tums. Especially because I clearly said that I have not eaten and do not suffer from acid reflux. Ok maybe I am being a little sensitive because of the shortness of breathe. In the end the doctor is suppose to call me. UGH>>>

2008-07-30T12:42:00.004-04:00

Days of our lives..how is it that time can go so fast. I mean how do we do it. How do we take the time to appreciate it all. Brad is away on business so it has been Kiley and I. I have all of these great ideas for us to do while he was gone. Do you think I was able to do them? Only one. Why you ask? Because it has been so crazy. I have not had the opportunity to sit still. I absolutely hate it. Where does our time go? Why does it slip so quickly. Why are there so many wasted moments. I do not want any more wasted moments. I made this intention a while ago but I can't seem to keep up with my life. So last night I made a decision. I did not care that I had two appellate briefs which have to be mailed today were not done. I took my daughter to Chick- fil-a for dinner. We ate french fries and I let her play in the playground. She laughed, singed, made funny faces at me. The smile on my face was bigger than hers. We then went to Old Navy where I let her run in the aisles in front of me. She hid in the clothes I was looking at. All you could hear were our giggles. I loved it. Then I put Lion King in the TV in our room and let her sleep with me. As she was falling asleep she put her little foot on my leg and it stayed there the entire night. I want more of these moments. I realized that my life is getting out of control and I need to slow down. Maybe it is the heart monitor I am wearing for the next 24 hours, or maybe the drugs on my bathroom sink. I making changes.

2008-07-16T14:35:00.003-04:00

Brad took this picture last night. I was so tired I fell asleep on my dear sammy.

2008-07-15T10:55:00.002-04:00

Have I told you guys how much I love my husband. If I have not let me tell you he so rocks ! Brad spent the entire weekend on a men's retreat at church. (which btw way he had a great time). It started early Sat morning and ended late Sunday evening. Our church does not have shower facilities or rooms so he slept on the floor in the church's ministry building. Brad broke the rules through out the weekend and called me to check in when they had a break. Such a rebel. Then he broke the rules on Sunday and snuck in to church during mass to give me and Kiley a Kiss. He made up so excuse to come in to the sanctuary where mass was going on. Isn't that sweet. Anyways, given the emotional weekend and lack of showers my husband, the great, still agreed to wait in line with me at the apple store so I could get the new Iphone. You see everything is in his name so he had to be there. I went into the line after church at 2pm he joined me at 6pm and waited until 8:30 when it was my turn. What can I say my husband is the best. So honey here is to you!!!! I will post later on our dear ms. K. She is doing fantastic.

I hate Mondays

2008-07-07T17:49:00.001-04:00

TITLE IS SELF EXPLANATORY. More tomorrow!! Till then I am going to go have a green tea latte..

2008-06-30T13:39:00.002-04:00

First things first, Herbie is A OK!!! It seems I pulled in a little to close in a parking space (allegedly) so the underneath panel protecting the air conditioner fan was pulled. It was an easy fix. Actually the shop did not charge us a dime. Isn't that wonderful. I am so in love with them right now.
So here is the deal. I want to go back home to Puerto Rico for a visit with Kiley sometime soon. My family in Puerto Rico has not met Kiley. The exceptions are my grandmother and uncle. However, my grandmother is 88 years old. Thank God that she is in good health but you never know when they reach this age. Moreover, I really want to go and experience some loving Grandma care. I want to go sit on the beach with Kiley. Sure I we have beaches here and we;ve taken Kiley but I want really warm clear blue water. I want to walk down to the end of the street to the bakery and get some fresh bread. I want to sit and do mundillo with my Grandma and her church friends. We sit on the porch and lace and watch everyone walk out to the town square. I even miss the darn rooster. I don't know what has brought this up. But it is there. What is the problem you ask? Just go...
Well it seems like Brad has the same calling but for his home town of Holton Lake Michigan. We can only afford to take one trip. Now mind you I have no problem with the north or Michigan for that matter. But really do you think of going to Michigan in the summer. No!! Let me just state for the record that Brad has no family remaining in Holton Lake. However, and very importantly Brad wants to go visit his mother's and brother's (Jeff's) grave. OK I know I am sounding selfish right now but hear me out. I want to go to the grave site. I think it is a beautiful thing. I want to thank his mother for raising such a wonderful son. I want them to see what a good family Brad has. How wonderful his relationship with Kiley is. It is the other stuff that bothers me of the trip. Brad's' family was very against us getting married. They did not want him marrying a "non white" Hispanic and to top it off a Catholic. (His family are preachers who for some strange and absurd reason think Catholics and the Catholic Church are evil) I know makes no sense. So we had a huge obstacle to overcome. We are still dealing with it. Honestly his family is the only issue we have. Now I am not so bad. I do not hold a grudge. I constantly encourage Brad to talk to his family. I ask about them, I pray for them. We meet with his family members when they come here. Only really his uncle. Anyways, I treat them with kindness and really compassion. I know they don't know what they are saying is wrong or hurtful it is just is. So I pray and mediate before I see them. I have only gone to Michigan twice since our relationship started. Both times very short and for funerals. The last time I was there I spent a lot of time with my blackberry. Anyways, I am really hesitant to go to Michigan. Brad wants to go take Kiley and do the rounds to family. These are the same people that did not accept me I worry about Kiley. I have tried explaining this to Brad. But he is insistent on wanting to go. He assures me that he will protect us. That everything will be OK. I have to believe him. I have to believe that it is life lesson for me and Kiley. Kiley has to learn to deal with people who may not like her. Maybe they will love her and it is just me they have problems with. That would be my life lesson I think. I would be OK with that. As long as they are good to Kiley and Brad I can handle it. I don't want any tension I don't want Kiley to feel at all that I don't love or appreciate his family. That would really suck. However, I still am unsure. I will keep you guys updated if we really go. The funds are an issue at this point. We will see.

Oh Oh

2008-06-26T14:17:00.002-04:00

Scene

Telephone ringing ringing

Hello this is Brad.

Hi Honey..um you need to come to my office

Why?

My car is broke.. (figured no reason to beat around the bush)

WHAT!!!!

Yeah there is part hanging off it hitting the road.

I'll call you back...CLICK

You think he is mad???

Doing better

2008-06-20T14:49:00.003-04:00

Today is a better day. I don't know if it is because it is Friday but anyhow it is much better. I thought I would share on this Friday some pictures. It has been a while so here it goes

Emotions

2008-06-19T13:06:00.003-04:00

Emotions are funny creatures. It seems at least for me that they take a life of their own. I try to control them but they seem to have a life of its own. Today is one of those days. Deep breathes. I really hate this feeling. I hate having panic attacks. My chest gets so tight. I can't breathe and I wait for everything to go wrong. Kind a like chicken little story. Remember the chicken keeps stating that "the sky is falling". I feel like the sky is falling. I feel like the world is falling. Really I am a sane person. The meds have help so much and I know that everybody has these type of days. Especially in my line of work. I was happy last night as one of Brad's dinner guests was a litigation attorney. The gentlemen asked Brad how I handled the stress. To which he replied "not very well". I laughed when he told me this. The other attorney made Brad feel really good as he is going through the same thing. He reminded Brad of how stressful our job is. How we feel so responsible almost to a fault. Brad said he described to him exactly what I go through. Waking up in the middle of the night to send an email to myself about some minor point. Or waking up in the middle of the night to go to the office to double check that something went out via the mail. Brad told me that he felt like finally someone understood him. He finally got that "you/Dennise is not the only one who goes through this." I was so happy for Brad. My husband is a great guy but I know he does not have a lot of people which he feels he can relate to. So there it is folks...I thought I would keep the blog real by letting you know how I feel today. All together inhale and exhale. Nah didn't work for me either :0) I am going to go call my therapist. :o)

Mindless stuff

2008-06-18T14:53:00.002-04:00

Can I share with you guys something? You see it might be a little dumb but it is the little things that make me happy. Brad has his annual sales meeting here in town so I can't bother him so here it goes...I found a new restaurant for lunch. I just had the yummiest avocado wrap EEEEV--EVER. In addition I am drinking the best ice green tea latte EVER!!! All organic folks. Vegetarian... The place is called Infusion Tea. OK so it is a little on the pricey side but oh my Gosh was it so worth it!!! So the next time you are in Orlando try it it was so yummy.

Craziness that is called my life

2008-06-13T11:56:00.003-04:00

Friday..Thank God..Well I have to tell you I am excited for this Father's day. I am excited as I have a good financial week at work so I can actually buy Brad something. I always feel bad for him. He really does the get short end of the stick. Since Kiley has been home we really have been strapped financially so I have not been able to get him something for father's day. This year is going to be a little different. I would tell you guys what I am going to buy but he reads the blog. (Sorry Papi ...no hints and I love you ;O) )...I want once again to brag about Brad in honor of father's day. I wish you guys could see him with Kiley. He is the best dad ever. I thank his dad and mom everyday for raising such a good guy. It is a wonder how I ended up with him. I mean it is a fact that when you have a low self esteem you tend to attract and date people who are not the best. Ok maybe that is not right now that I think about it. Every person we encounter comes and brings something to our journey of life. It is all meant to be. Life lessons and all. Gosh sorry I went off on a tangent again. The point is I was dating not so good guys before I met Brad. I normally would not take a second look if it was someone like Brad. You know decent, good looking, kind. But the universe had something different in mind. I did not fight it I just went with it. So here it goes, I have no special words for Brad on father's day so I took from EE Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

Tattoos

2008-06-09T10:19:00.005-04:00

I have always thought of myself as open minded. BTW I hate when people start off sentences like that but bear with me here. ;0) I mean I practice Yoga and yet I am catholic. I firmly believe that God loves all of us and that we are entitled to be ourselves. We should not judge people as we do not live in their shoes. Certainly there are things that we should not tolerate at all as a society but you get my drift. Anyways, I have two (now three) tattoos which I love. It is interesting to see the prejudgements that people have about it. They really do treat you differently. My first tattoo is a beautiful butterfly which is on the top of my left foot.

I don't have a really good picture to post right now. I got that tattoo when I was in my early twenties. (Let me side track here and say that I met the WWE wrestler Billy Gun at the tattoo shop. He was so nice.) I was going through a rough spell at that time. (Think Brittany Spears drama)It was really weird I was so numb. I was just functioning. No joy, no sadness, nothing. I needed to feel something so I thought why not pain. Hence a tattoo on the foot. It was a good experience. I was hooked. I finally felt something.
The second tattoo is a fairy on my lower back. I decided to get it as I felt like I was floating through life, not enjoying it rather just flipping here and there. It is really in my opinion a cool tattoo. The fairy has brown hair with blond highlights like I wear my hair most of the time.
Now to present day. I got the UM symbol on my wrist. Now this is a big move for me. First it is a tattoo and Brad hates tattoos. Second, it is in a visible spot. I have to be careful in my work. Nothing like showing a judge a tattoo. But the UM mantra is big for me. It is essentially a reminder to me about being center. Sure it is a symbol of the life force. Which in my case is God. I need that reminder. I need to be center. I need something in my life to ground me. I need something that will remind me that someone(something) is in control and it is not me. I need that permission to be me and give the rest up. Does this make sense? If I am centered and reminded of this I don't panic. I do not live in overwhelm. I so hate overwhelm. I am not a good wife, daughter and mother when I am in overwhelm. So I was out to lunch at this wonderful sandwich shop. The shop happened to be next to the tattoo parlor that I had previously gone to. Before I knew it I was sitting in the tattoo chair. My artist name was Doug. Doug was so nice and really he understood my needs. He was very sweet. I realized that I have my own misconceptions. Here is this big intimating guy. Literally he was 6'2; overweight with a full sleeve and nose piercing. I fully expected for him to be harsh and make fun of little ol me. I mean really what is a 34 mother, wife, lawyer doing in a tattoo parlor. Then we started talking. He has an education in Finance actually he worked as a financial planner for many years tattooing on the side. He told me that he began to make more money as a tattoo artist and that is when he changed careers. Interesting right. He was nothing short than a teddy bear. I realized that I still have these prejudgements. Wow I need to change that. It was a great life growing experience for me. Isn't that great. I won't lie it hurt and Brad was super mad at me. I probably should have told him before I got the tattoo. :0) But do I regret it. No, maybe the timing and not talking to Brad bit but not the tattoo.

It is interesting the reactions that I have gotten. Since my other tattoos were easily hidden I rarely get comments about them. Sure the people that paid so much attention would say something. But that has been nothing since I got the latest tattoo on my wrist.. oh Nelly... . My grandmother was so funny she said it was just another way to identify my body when I am dead. My mom did not have a comeback to that. But you know what... it is OK. Maybe I will be a growing life experience for someone.

Martian Child

2008-06-04T10:48:00.002-04:00

On a recent trip to vegas they played this movie on the flight. I have been wanting to blog about it since. I honestly do not have words to do this movie justice. I loved it. I recommend it to everyone. Although we did not adopt an older child I can relate to the emotions protrayed in the film. I debated whether I wanted to buy as I was not sure how Kiley would feel about it as she got older. I have this weird dream of her going through my stuff after I am dead (kinda like the bridges of madison county) and she ran across this movie. In my dream she cried as she had felt the same way the little boy felt in the movie. The movie made me more aware of her feelings about adoption. It makes us talk more about it. We talk about adoption all the time in front of her. But I still fear she will have issues with it as she grows up. The movie brought up some of those issues. Let me assure you that this is not a bad thing it is a wonderful thing. Anyways the movie was great. I laughed and cried. All I can say is see it you will love it.
" I don't want to bring another kid into this world but how do you argue against loving one that's already here<

Is it June already

2008-06-02T16:23:00.002-04:00

I mean really, how does time go by so quickly. My assistant left today on maternity leave. Her c-section is scheduled for Wednesday. As a result I am by myself..as in BY MYSELF...ALONE...SOLA...now for some people this might seem good. For me not so much. I tend to lose focus when I don't hear someone typing in the next room. Or someone to remind me ... say that your client's brief for the appellate court is due on Friday so you may want to start it..Minor stuff like that. (Rest assured I finished the brief and it is in the mail.) Nevertheless being in my office today was not so bad. Poor Brad called me several times to check on me as well as my secretary Brenda. But the stillness made me think. Why do we fear being by ourselves. Why is it necessary to have someone right there. I don't know the answer it was just something I was pondering. Anyways, as I played today I changed my blog a little I hope you guys like it. Let me know your thoughts. I will write tomorrow about my latest tattoo experience. Oh yeah guys and I hate to sound like a scratched record. (Don't tell me you have not heard of a record we are not that old and if you have not don't tell me ;0) ) remember join RLC. I read yesterday 2.5 million children are orphaned by AIDS. The affect that this can have not only in a child's life but on the world economy is devastating. Please take a moment and think about it. Lots of Love..D

Happy Tuesday Everyone

2008-05-27T10:18:00.008-04:00

Hi Guys,
So I finally was able to load pictures on my computer. Wow do I have a lot to share. I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend. We had a great weekend. I worked a little on Saturday. We went to Church on Sunday and I worked on my bobin lace (mundillo) with my mom. Here is a picture of how it is going.

On Monday we went to Disney. We had a blast. Here we are at the entrance.
Kiley loved loved loved the princesses. Here she is with Belle.

Waiting for Airel with Daddy.

After we told her she still had to wait to see Airel (she wanted to run up to her when she came out)

Finally we get to Airel (seriously 50 minute wait and there was no fast past..

Here she is with sleeping beauty.

This is how Kiley waited in line for Mickey. Oh my the energy.

I bored you guys enough with pictures. I hope everyone is well. Take care. Lots of love.

2008-05-20T11:12:00.002-04:00

Ahh the stomach virus has hit little Kiley. Yuck..Actually it has not been that bad. My poor baby girl. We took her last night to the doctor and he prescribed medicine to calm down her stomach. She started to feel bad on Sunday. I thought maybe it was because we had a big day on Saturday, not so much. Anyways, Kiley and I went to toddler yoga together. It was so much fun. I do Yoga everyday and Kiley loves to join in. Kiley did very well in the class environment. I am so happy to have a little one and one time with her. I wish I could take pictures in the class it is so cute to see all the little kids doing little poses. I will update tomorrow. Remember guys join RLC.

2008-05-12T16:48:00.004-04:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Our weekend was fabulous. We spent the entire weekend as a family. I loved it. My nephew Austin's birthday party was on Saturday. Austin is total boy. He loves WWE wrestling so that was the theme. My sister rented an inflatable water slide. Kiley was having none of it. She screamed anytime we tried to get her close to it. I think the size really threw off. I got on it with my sisters (and the kids). It was so much fun. My sister ended up spraining her ankle while sliding down but she is OK. Honestly, she was too busy laughing to feel any pain. When she called me in early morning after returning from the hospital I could not help having the giggles. I guess we are a little to old for these things.

Sunday was spent at church, laundry, and my with my mommy. On a side note my mom is teaching me how to do Mundillo (bobbin-lace). It is really cool and a lot harder than I thought. Hopefully I can post some pictures of my works. :0) WE will see. Nevertheless this is what it looks like.
How much more could I ask for.

self doubt

2008-05-09T14:24:00.006-04:00

Today has been one of those days that I doubt myself. Have you ever had one of these days. It is driving me nuts because it seems that every time I question myself more opportunities for problems occur. OK so maybe I am a little dramatic here. Brad says I am getting myself worked up. So here is the lesson I am learning. If you let a little self doubt kick in it is not necessarily a bad thing. It makes you aware and that is OK however you need to let it go..Feel the emotion, understand it and let it go...Deep slow breaths.. Let me share with you guys my story that caused this lovely topic. Brad this morning asked me if I was enjoying my car and driving a stick. Let me emphasize that he nicely asked me how I was doing with the shift stick driving. Back track to yesterday I did not stall the vehicle once. It was so much fun driving I loved it. I told Brad that I was great and he left for work..Subconsciously I must have been thinking otherwise for I stalled seven times on my way to work. A few of my cases (which had no earthly reason to, got messed up at the court so I had to go and put out some fires there..Then I could not get the car into reverse at the courthouse so I jumped the parking curb almost taking out the meter. I am not lying folks. So embarrassing!!! As any and every female I cried. Then called Brad because of course it was his fault, then apologized to him (and the car). Brad reminded me that I could do it and I took deep breathe said to myself "Dennise you can do this" and a little (big) prayer and off Herbie and I went. I know this might sound crazy but it is a true.. our feelings affect our actions.

This theory can be applied (and does in my humble opinion) to everything. I firmly believe we need to and we can change the issue of poverty if we really examined our beliefs here. A lot of the problems come from our unwillingness (unintentionally) to look and really believe that we can make a difference. Since we believe we cannot make a difference we don't take action and in turn do not make a difference. We cannot believe that we can help people that are living these conditions. We are either to caught up in our on financial problems and think I can't help myself non the less someone else. But we can by making people aware of your beliefs that something needs to change. Giving emotional support to those that are involved does not cost a thing. Like joining RLC or writing to your senators and congressmen. I was astonished yesterday to read that 15,000 people die daily in Africa from diseases. 15,000 folks . But it is not only in Africa. My heart breaks when I hear of the hunger riots in Haiti. These human beings are eating mud patties. A child was asked whether the mud patties hurt him to which he responded that the patties made his stomach hurt but he was so hungry he had no other choice. Lets change our beliefs. I am working on this hopefully there are no more curbs or meters on the way home :0)

Driving with a two and a half year old..

2008-05-08T16:56:00.003-04:00

So Herbie, my car, I know not original but what can I say. :o) It is a stick shift. Under normal circumstances that would not be a bad thing, except this one tiny slightly minor issue of me not ever being taught how to drive a stick. Brad was wonderful sport and taught me. I will not lie to you guys I was leery but honestly it was not so bad. Well I am proud to say that I have learned to drive a stick shift. Lets talk about the lessons shall we?? It goes without saying that I take Kiley with me everywhere. Naturally she went with us on lessons. Do you feel my pain yet..Husband and toddler while learning to drive a stick. Yup.. My biggest hurdle in learning to drive stick was giving the car enough gas. As a result Brad would always say "GO GO GO" whenever I placed the car in first or switched gears..He must have said it more times than I remember for this morning as Kiley and I were going on the highway I hear "GO GO GO momma" Ah the gotta love the peanut gallery. :o) Love and Peace and remember to check out red letters campaign (RLC)..

I am so excited

2008-05-07T12:22:00.004-04:00

Folks I have some exciting news to share. Let me preface this by saying it is going to be a long story, :0) When I was little girl we traveled to Mexico quite a bit. It is given that my hertiage is Mexican. Anyways, the first trip that I remember when was I was in elementary school. On this trip we visited the pyramids. Wow what a sight. I remember the size and beauty of the pyramids. I remember that the top of the pyramid for the God of the sun was very hot. Where as the top of the pyramid for the God of the Moon was cold. But what I remember about the trip was the poverty. I remember children younger than me running with us trying to sell things to us. I remember they offered to carry my mom's backpack up the pyramid for a little coin. My eyes were awaken that trip. I was awaken to the vastness of poverty. I was awaken to the goodness of people. That same trip I got separated from my family (if you ask my mom she says I got lost) in a small village market. I was enthralled with this lovely women who was performing a puppet show. I sat down on the mud floor with her children to help them eat while watching the show. My mom and dad found me a little while later with their hearts in their throats. Anyways, the trip for me was not about the pyramids, it was about the goodness of people and how extreme the poverty was. Ever since this trip I have felt called to do something about poverty. Now the opportunity has arisen. As you can see on the upper right hand of my blog is a link to Red Letters Campaign. If you have read Angel's blog http://thevoiceofadventure.blogspot.com/you totally understand this group. Click on Faiths Journey Continues link on the right. This is what the Red Letters Campaign (RLC) states " We at the Red Letters Campaign (RLC) believe that YOU have the power to reduce extreme poverty, fight preventable disease and connect orphans with loving families. Our mission is to provide you the tools and a network of partners and like-minded people that enable you to be an active part of the solution - the way you want to participate."

Take a look everyone and join us...at http://www.redletterscampaign.com/

2008-05-02T13:46:00.002-04:00

so here is my car... I am in love.....

Vehicle search

2008-04-21T15:55:00.004-04:00

Since I 've been MIA let me catch you guys up with our dealings. Kiley is now 2 1/2 ,a full toddler. I can not tell you how often I hear "NO" and we have tantrums galore. But I love it. Sure I lose a lot of patience and a lot more grey hair ;0).

Kiley is obsessed with Nemo. I do not know what is worst hearing the entire soundtrack of Nemo or the Wiggles. Seriously, we listen to Nemo on the way to and from daycare. Did I mention that we listen to it too and from..Do you feel my pain? I can recite the entire soundtrack per verbatim. I often tell myself that I am going to miss these days so I don't throw the CD out the window. I have tried the "Nemo is sleeping bit" but my little one is way too smart for that. In other words she calls the bull shit flag. Ah the joys of motherhood.

I would post pictures but I lost/misplaced the cable to the camera. I know brilliant move on my part. In my defense, I kept it in the box and put in a place so I would not loose it. Anyways, Brad promises to buy me the USB cable so I can download sometime this week. Take my word for it she is healthy and absolutely beautiful.

Lets see what else...Oh yes, business..Well I still have my firm it is slowly but surely getting there. Not enough money so I am still searching for a part time college teaching job. Many applications no go so far. Still I am optimistic.

As for the title of this post. We turned in my car last October. We have been borrowing our friend's minivan. Their generosity is incredible but it must come to and end. Anyways we are searching for a lovely used car to buy. The catch is our credit is let us say not the best and leave it at that. We therefore are not going to the big dealerships. So this weekend we were out looking. Um can I tell you how much I hate used car salesmen. It was so funny. Seriously there was one guy that looked so much like Joey Fatone. Slick hair fake Rolex you name it. Well I don't know how much progress we made as we are still a one car family. I am looking and hoping for a gently used VW beetle. I found one in the local newspaper that looks promising. Lets hope it works out. ...Peace and love...

2008-04-18T12:18:00.003-04:00

Where was I? Well my sisters and I have the same sense of humor. We are very dry and sarcastic. Needless to say we kept ourselves entertained during the wait with our Nazi worker. We befriended this elderly gentlemen as he was waiting for his wife all by himself. No one should wait for their loved one regardless of the procedure by themselves. Especially when they are old. So we took him under our wings. We asked are Nazi for permission to change our assign seats to sit next to him. Kindly he granted our request. We then attempted to give him coffee, cookies etc. I am sure he told his wife that three women were hitting on him while he waited. :0) Anyways, a couple of hours later the doctors come out. Now I knew we were in trouble as the doctors did not make eye contact with us. I really knew it when they asked us to step into the conference room. We followed the doctors like little ducklings. I kept thinking mom..weird the only word that kept going through my head was mom. I avoided the looks of the other people solely focusing on my sister. You see my younger sister, Camille, is a nurse despite my education and age I defer and fully admit that she has a lot more knowledge about this stuff. I looked at her for guidance. Funny I could not process what the doctor was saying other than "we've had an interesting morning with your mother". Not words I really want to hear. I know in my line of work when I say interesting it meets complicated, means more work means not the result we wanted. In the end the tumor was not were they expected. Huh!!! Yup those were my words. Camile says in response "But the CT-scan said clearly it was hanging on the outside of the kidney. Well the CT-scan lied the doctor replies. Now this is the part were my brain kicked in. I've done enough depositions to know that CT scans don't lie. "But Doctor" My mom's main doctor stepped in and said we were just as surprised. If that was suppose to comfort me it did not. They proceed to tell us that after flipping and pulling and scanning the actual kidney they found the tumor. The tumor is actually in an inoperable area of the kidney. So the doctors decided to leave it there. I have to add that my mom's kidney function was and is excellent. It was either take the whole kidney or go through radiation. The doctors felt it was an easy choice given her kidney functions. I was really OK with this. The hard part was convincing my mom. So that is it. We had to explain to my mom that she underwent five hours of surgery and the tumor is still there. In addition she will have to go through more surgery and treatment. Now as you guys might imagine my mom was not to happy. She is on major pain meds so she is not all there. SOOO it has been so funny trying to explain this. My mom still thinks we are lying to her. My sisters and I just roll our eyes and repeat ourselves. Brad has been taking care of Kiley as my sister and I have done shifts with my mom. Kiley really does not understand why I am not there but has loved being spoiled by Brad.
I will update on Monday love and peace>

Mom

2008-04-17T16:50:00.002-04:00

Long story short, two weeks ago my mom's primary physician (who happens to be a hottie and consequently my doctor. I mean really who can pass up a good looking doctor :0 ) called her in to review a Ct Scan. Next thing we know she is having kidney surgery to remove a tumor. Now relatively speaking it seemed like a not so big deal. Right insert nervous chuckle here. Her surgeons were confident in the procedure and really were excellent with her and us. So the surgery was on Monday. Picture this...Hospital surgical waiting room... 6:30 am. I was to meet my two sisters and mom at the hospital since my mom had to be there at 5:00 am for paperwork. Mind you I had gone over the surgery time with my sisters (i.e., 7:30am). Anyways, I get there at 6:30 after finally finding the hospital (three words morning no coffee). As I am running into the waiting room I see my two sisters who look pissed. My mom is not with them. My older sister Michelle tells me they have taken her back for surgery and that I have missed her. Um wait a second, her surgery is not scheduled for another hour. When the hell have you known a doctor to be early. Really come on folks. I wait three hours for my gynecologist. Sorry I digress. As Michelle begins to give me a lecture about my inability to be there for my family (I let it go she is my older sister) a nurse comes by and asks me if I want to see my mother. YESSS!!! I triumphantly look at Michelle and head to see my mom. My mom is wrapped up like a burrito and when she spots me she starts to cry. She tells me about how she did not think she would see me. Really folks you could push me over with a feather. What is up with my family? I am not, let me repeat myself, I am not a horrible person. I like and have been told by other family members that I am there for them and my family. I don't know stress maybe? I hugged her and kissed her and off to the waiting room I went.
I did not realize that day that hospital have assigned seats in the waiting room. What you did not know that either. Well I am here to tell that there are such things. Basically we had the waiting room Nazi. He went around with a seating chart got our names; wrote a description of our clothes etc. Seriously, when I went to get coffee I had to ask for permission. My sisters and I had a field day with this one. I am sure the guy had to take aspirin after dealing with us. So I am realizing that this post is getting way to long so I will finish tomorrow. I will say that my mom is recovering well but we have a long road ahead of us with the subsequent needed treatment. Peace and Love

Bringing up adoption

2008-04-04T11:40:00.004-04:00

Bringing up adoption with Kiley has been the topic at our home. We both want for Kiley to know about her adoption etc. We thought we would start introducing the issue as she is 2 1/2 and really smart (bare with me I am her mommy :0) ). We played the videos of our visit trip and coming home. I reiterated how much we loved her and prayed for her. I also told her how much fun we had and pointed out her foster mom. Now we did not go into full details as she is still young. However, we are struggling , (lets be real who am I kidding I am) struggling ) with feelings of insecurities. I never thought or at least thought I had gotten past these feelings. First and foremost, I worry about Kiley. I so want to do the right thing here. I do not want to screw her up. So we played the video and my heart broke. The thought of her having any pain from feeling abandoned or unloved..just well I just can't imagine. Then I went to will she love me, will she be angry with me. Am I out of my mind here? How did you guys handle all of this? I hope I did not offend anyone. I am just writing my thoughts here. I would love to hear how you guys are handling this. What things you did to approach the subject. Namaste.

and so it goes

2008-03-17T10:25:00.003-04:00

Darn it.. I wrote a long post and I accidently deleted it. ACCK !!!!

True Colors

2008-03-12T16:10:00.005-04:00

I bet you are wondering where I have been lately. Lets just say I am learning to become a better mommy, wife, a better Dennise. How is that you ask. Well by taking care of myself. What you ask caused me to do this? Well, I am ashamed to say it was a mental meltdown of sorts. I have struggled with depression etc for many years. I reached my breaking point roughly two months ago. I don't know how I got to this place, but I did. It is scary when you lose your way. It is scary to loose your faith. I can say that it is the way it goes. But I would be lying. The good news is I am getting help and I do feel better. I am learning that it is Ok to be Dennise. That Dennise is OK. I am learning love and gratitutde not only to others but to ourselves. Why, the words of True Color by Cindy Lauper seem to be appropriate right now. I know I am so a product of the 80s. :0) When this world makes you crazy Don't be afraid to let them show..True Colors are beautiful like a rainbow. It is true (I know bad pun) but seriously, I have a belief that we are all good ( i just never applied those thoughts to me). We are even more beautiful when we let our true colors show. Show your true colors as they are beautiful like the rainbow tattoo I am going to get.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving guys

2007-11-28T16:40:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone..Thanks for the welcome back to cyber world..I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We did. Here is a picture of us before our second thanksgiving dinner. (yes I said 2nd we had 3 in total don't ask)

We had a slight mishap on Thanksgiving. Kiley fell while chasing her cousin and hurt her left foot. No broken bones just soreness. She is still limping a little. Once I knew she was OK I laughed at her limping. It is really funny. Mind you it has not stopped or slowed her down a bit. I decided not to take video as tempted as I was.

We are truly exited for tomorrow as my grandmother is coming in from Puerto Rico. Kiley and I will pick her up bright and early tomorrow morning. My grandmother is absolutely the best. I can't wait to see her and have her wonderful (i,e,, fatting) cooking. There will be plenty of pictures of Kiley with "Quela"

Oh Yeah we did see the Wiggles last week. It was surprising good. This was Kiley's reaction at the show.
I think I have watched too much Wiggles as I am finding Sam attractive. :0)

Work has been steady this month for which I am very thankful. I hope and pray it continues through the holidays. Well I have this whole post to write on something that has been on my mind lately. Hopefully it will be more exciting than this post.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I am thankful for all of you!!!

I'm back

2007-10-26T11:34:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone. Miss me??? I am back. It is amazing how quickly time flies. We are all well. Kiley turned two on the 10th of this past month. We had a wonderful time at her little party. I am pretty emotional right now due to numerous things but with the help of my lovely doctor I am coping. I want to write more but I am short of time. However, I wanted everyone to know that we are A Ok and I will post more next week.

2007-08-07T14:41:00.000-04:00

I have been quite lately. I am going through some issues so I decided just to be off the net for a little bit. Everything is fine though. As they say this too shall pass. Right now I am listening to the Beatles and thought I would share this great video.

2007-07-25T15:13:00.000-04:00

slowily raising head from Harry Potter book to say hi!! Will post when I am done. Does it make me a bad mommy that I look forward for Kiley's bedtime so I can read it?

2007-07-12T13:08:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap the Wiggles are coming!!!
Background history Kiley somehow (we are still not sure how this happened) saw the Wiggles for the first time around Christmas time. Our house has not been the same since. To say she loves the Wiggles is an understatement. So as any good mother I signed up to their fan club and low and behold I got an email today that they have added dates to their tour and they are coming to our area. Now I have already warned Brad that we have to go. I might have said something like " your daughter will be in therapy and will say my parents would never take me to see the Wiggles". I am always the drama queen.

In other news lots of thinking going on in our home lately. It seems that we are all a little off kilter without Tiger. Still no sign of him. :0( Thank you for the kind thoughts. It has been so hot in our neck of the woods it is not even funny. I I am so excited that the new and last Harry Potter book is coming out. I had preordered the book and am waiting to see the movie when it comes out on Video. I do not think I can watch it in the theater too nervous. :0) Anyways, I am debating on going at midnight just since it is the last book. However, I can't find anyone to go with me. I think it will be even geekier if I go by myself. Well I have pictures to post but I am short on time today. I will post later. Hugs

2007-06-27T12:10:00.001-04:00

My beloved Tiger is missing. Brad accidentely left the front door open and off he went. To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. Tiger is my baby. He sleeps with me and lays in my lap the moment I sit down. He is very loving towards Kiley and has always laid with the both of us. Please send some positive thoughts as it going on a week now. I miss my baby as does Kiley. Here are some pics of him..

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-14T16:16:00.000-04:00

I made this for Brad. I hope you enjoy honey. I know it is a little early.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

2007-06-06T15:26:00.000-04:00

My goodness where has the time gone. :0) I was doing really well about blogging. Sorry! I do want to say to everyone, that I do still read all of my favorite blogs even though I do not comment. Business has been good for a while now. (Knocking on wood here) I am so thankful. I wish I could say that I have been able to take a paycheck. However, I am able to pay my business bills. That is a big step.

What I am struggling with is feeling worthy to get paid. I tend to be lienent as to payment. I don't know why. I feel bad for my clients. I trust them. Unfortunately this does not pay bills. Unfornately, this means I get burned sometimes. For instance, I had a client who owed me money. We get to court he tells me he has the money. I do the entire trial we get out and guess what all of the sudden he does not have the money. I was pratically in tears. I was furious. What irks me about this is that it has made me really leary as to other clients who I normally would give a break for (or work with). How do you keep the balance about being cautious and getting paid and working with folks. I really want to do the right thing but I need to protect my family as well. Any words of wisdom?

2007-05-17T16:40:00.000-04:00

So here is the hypothetical situation..Say you come across a page on myspace of someone you know really well (and by really well) Ah hell here it goes...My sister ex's new girlfriend, you know the one that showed up at church last weekend, has a myspace page. Well I ran across it the other day and what do I find. A lovely post estentially critizing my nephew's first Communion my sister, and Catholicism. OK now I totally understand people criticizing my faith. Hey there are things I do not like about it. For instance, I would like to have gotten married in the church but we didn't as Brad is not a Catholic. Sure I was disappointed. Do I regret it not one bit. There are some major differences that I have with the church but I still respect my faith and attempt to follow it.

Back to the subject at hand, this woman (and really I think she is a disgrace to all women) essentially bad mouth my sister, and church. The problem I have with this and I really need to get over this. Is that my sister/family was extremely polite(too polite in my opinion) at the service to her. Essentially she was welcomed. I have to ask myself FOR WHAT...she goes and dishes on everything that essentially my family holds holy. Not to mention this young boy who was so excited to be receiving the sacrament..She just S***t on. So the reason why I am writing is that guess who is coming to my nephew's birthday party on Sunday..Yup...So I am taking a poll...

A) Do I confront her at the beginning?

B) Do I confront her at the end?

c) Do I confront at all..(THIS IS PROBABLY NOT AN OPTION as I am so pissed..but I am always open) ;o)

I leave you with a picture of Kiley. I think she is obsessed with her pacifiers..

2007-05-15T14:45:00.000-04:00

I am embarrassed to say that Mother's day started a little early for me. On Friday I took my mother and treated us to a pedicure and manicure. Then we all went to dinner at our favorite mexican restaurant. It was sad in one way. As my mom and I sat there getting our nails done with really nothing to talk about. Nothing..Silence.. I wondered if Kiley and I would be that way. I really hope not. Not that we have an animosity with one another it was just well quiet. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be Kiley's best friend. Although I would not mind. But it is my heart's desire to have a realtionship with her. A good relationship one where we communicate etc. This is something I don't have with my mom. Yes I know my mom loves me. She loves me in her way. Defintely not unconditionally. I have learned that that is how my mom is. Nothing more, nothing less. How can I prevent this from happening with Kiley? I certainly think my mom did not expect for our relationship to develop the way it did. I don't know and I wish I had the answers.

Mother's Day was a great day. I woke up to my baby girl next to me. Her little hand was touching my face. What a better way to wake up. Brad took over all of the baby duties which was nice. We spent the day at the pool and then went to church services that night. My two nephews made their first Communion so it was an extra special day. When my family gets together there is always drama. In this case, my sister's ex husband showed up to the church with his girlfriend. Classy huh! Well that would have been OK had I not read her page on myspace about the service. Lets just say B*&*&, That is the entry in itself..Anyways, during the service they had the blessings of the mothers. I must admit I felt like a fraud when the priest initially ask the mothers to stand up. But as I bowed down my head for the blessing my little girl lifted her arms for me to pick her up. My feelings at least momentarily were forgotten.

2007-05-10T12:03:00.000-04:00

As mother's day approaches I found myself this morning reflecting on what kind of mother I am. What kind of mother do I strive to be? What type of mother did I think I would be? Do any of these meet? I looked at Kiley's little face and a big part of me has failed. I have failed to be who I thought I was going to be as mother. I turn out to be someone who is winging it. I guess I believe mothers have all the right answers. I honestly do not have all the answers. When I thin about it I have few answers ;0) I also believe mothers have the patience of a saint. I do not. Especially in a croweded restaurant where she decides to lay down on the floor with her back arch and scream bloody murder. I told you guys it was her nap time. Anways, what I do know is that I love that little girl with all my heart and soul ( I also love dh, kitties and doggie in the same measure). This morning I promised Kiley that I would be more patient, more understanding and maybe one day I can honestly earn the title of Mother.

2007-05-08T14:17:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! Our weekend was jam packed. It started by going out Friday night to do a little shopping.. Oh yes it felt so nice! There was this hot pair of shoes by Steve Madden that I just fell in love with but alas I restrained myself. Damn..Seriously I must have a shoe addiction because I have dreamt about those darn shoes. :o) Saturday we when to John and Krissy's graduation party. Now John and Krissy are dear friends of ours. Their parents are Kiley's godparents. Did everyone follow that? Anyways, their party was held at a wonderful restaurant downtown. No problem except the party fell at Kiley's nap time. I was a little worried about this. Bless her heart Kiley tried her darn est to hold off. She made it an hour past her nap time and bamm the trouble began. We left early. :0( Sunday we spent it at our good friend's pool. We had a wonderful time. Here are some pictures of our vacation.

2007-05-03T14:40:00.000-04:00

Vacation what a wonderful word. Although ours was short it was awesome. The fun started early for both Brad and I as we watched Kiley light up when she saw us both at daycare. She thought that was the funniest thing ever that it was the two of us. We headed off from there! Let me tell you guys Kiley does not do well on long car rides. The two hour drive well was long. ;0) She was ready to get out and play by the time we got there. The hotel was outstanding and the view breathtaking. Kiley immediately made her self known by throwing kisses and saying hi to the nice ladys working at the check in counter. She immediately knew she was somewhere special. (Especially after getting a couple of mickey mouse stickers from the employees). We went to our room and then went down for an early dinner. We then walked by the beach to see the sunset. We did call it an early night. The rest of the vacation was spent in the sand and pool. I will post pictures on Monday.

Oh Yeah, what was up with Greys last night. I was not crazy about how they ended it.

Vacation

2007-04-25T16:11:00.000-04:00

We are leaving tomorrow for Vacation. We are just going to vero beach for a long weekend. It is going to be a well needed break. I have court in the morning so we are leaving after that. We are actually going to celebrate our 7th Wedding anniversary. I cannot believe it has been seven years. I am one lucky girl. I cannot wait to see how Kiley will react to the beach. I bought her a new bathing suit and everything. We did take her last year to coccoa beach but it was only for a day. I am a little worried as to how she will do at the hotel. I will of course post pictures! till then surf's up! I know pathetic :0)

2007-04-23T16:38:00.000-04:00

I will be the first to admit that I am supporter of women's rights. I believe that we should provide more support for women in all areas. However, I am defintely not, shall I say, over the edge with my opinions. I have learned in my years that there are times that one must keep your mouth shut. Unfortantely this would be easeir if I did not encounter stero types and a form of prejudice which are surprisedly still present. Honestly it drives me crazy. I am reallly amazed at some comments that I get in the courtroom. The most recent event occurred last Thursday. I will also admit that maybe I was not in the best of moods that morning but anyways..Let me preface this by saying that on this day it was what we call a master hearing. Essentially it is a first come first serve basis for the attorneys. Anyways, lets go to the scene shall we.
Court Room full of at least 100 people. Around 15 attorneys congregating with one another trying to determine in what order we are going. I mean we really could resolve this by having a list that we all sign when we get there but that would be too easy. Sorry I digress.
Attonrey G
: why don't you go first?
Me
I think you were here before me?
Attorney G:
Well all you women ask for rights. Isn't it your right to go first.
ME:
Uhm excuse me?
Attorney A: cutting in to save Attorney G as he knows me well
Dennise I think you here before me.
Me:
I believe I was..
Attorney G
Women always talk about rights let her go first.
Judge (who is my hero btw)
Ms. H (as a fellow Puerto Rican he refuses to acknowledge my marriage, it realy does come from a place of love)
Can I begin MY COURTROOM
ME:
sure your honor! I, a WOMAN and more importantly an attorney, will go first!

I took this picture of Kiley yesterday and I just love it.

2007-04-17T13:27:00.000-04:00

Here is Kiley this weekend. Brad's company just came out with flip flops in Kiley's size. Brad took this video of Kiley wearing them to send to a buyer. I thought it was cute.

Easter

2007-04-12T09:21:00.000-04:00

Happy Belated Easter everyone. We had a wonderful day. I must admit Kiley is such an easy baby. We are really spoiled. I read at the Good Friday mass as well as on the high mass on Easter Sunday. Normally reading for me is the most wonderful thing in the world. However, I know how busy and honestly how long these masses are so I was a little worried. I worried about Kiley and how she was going to handle it. No Kiley always does really well at church. She is active as any 17month old going on 17 years old are. But she is never disruptive. On a side note, it is my belief that one should not shy away to go to church because of fear of how their child is going to act. They are children, they will make noise, they will eat. We as parents need to get over it. My priest is really good about promoting this with our parish. Yet, I will admit that I still get nervous and I don't want her to cause a scene. Anyways, given how busy and long both masses were going to be she was not going to have the normal room to walk around the pew etc. But she was wonderful! Yes she was active but no screaming, no dramas. She only got upset when she could not see me. At the Easter mass she was sharing her cherios with a cute little boy who was sitting in front of her. It was really sweet!! I wish I could have taken a picture. Alas, I think Father Clark would not find that to be really cute.

After mass and her fighting nap we went over to Abuelas and had a big feast. We did hunt for eggs. Kiley was really into it this year. She would pick up and egg and just shake it. This year was different for me as Kiley last year we had barely been home three days. She was so small and was holding on to me for dear life. This year she walked outside on her own and played with her cousins. It hit me again how much she is grown. It also hit me that we are a family. I love moments like that.

a year ago

2007-04-04T15:36:00.000-04:00

A year ago today, we became a family of three. A year ago today my little girl was placed in my arms by a wonderful strong woman. I will never, never forget that day. I will always give praise and be humbled by that day. I was so scared but at peace all at the same time. My heart was broken but overjoyed. I was so worried about getting pink before she was placed in my arms after that I knew it was going to happen. Brad tells me that this day is only important to us, but I disagree. I think all of us who are families understand the significance of the day you became/become a family. We all understand that bond, that love. it does not matter how you became a family you still know that exact day and minute. You remember it. You never want to forget it. For me losing my memory would be horrible because I would not be able to remember this day. No other love could be this big and strong. My mom was right when she would say, "the day you become a mom you will understand". I never thought I would feel so passionate, so loyal over one person. I mean I am loyal to Brad, but I mean really...if he cheated on me or god forbid did anything towards me or Kiley..well you know. Anyways it is different for Kiley. I will always be here. I will always forgive her. I often wonder if this is what I hear God is like. I hear all the time that his love is unconditional, that we will always be forgiven, but honestly I have never could relate to it. I could never understand why would God do that..then he sent Kiley to us. Now I understand. So my daughter has been home for a year. She has grown up so much in the year.
Kiley...Mi pricensa
Que mucho te quiero. Que much alegria no has trajido a tu papi y a mi en este ano. A year ago today Tia Mirina placed you in my arms. You were so little and so brave. You did not shed a tear. You looked at me which such trust. I hope never to disappoint you on that point. You have grown sooo much this year. You are walking and dare I say running. You have decided that Dora the Explorer and the Wiggles are the best thing in the world. As for talking, this past month your vocabluary has increased tremendously. You surprise us everyday with all of the amazing things you do. Kiley on this day we thank you for joining our family. We are so much better with you. I love you baby girl and I always will.

MIA

2007-03-23T11:07:00.000-04:00

I am sorry I have been MIA. Drama Drama, Drama.. So I am sure you guys have been reading or have heard about the pet food recall..http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17650075/
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/03/22/pet.food.recall/index.html?section=cnn_latest

Well low and behold my kitties (we have two) have been eating a brand which has been recalled. I have been wondering why they have been sick lately. I could not figure it out. We took them immediately in after hearing of the recall. Yup they were in renal failure. I felt terrible. I felt terrible giving them the food and also that I had not taken into the vet sooner. All week they have been at the Vets. My poor babies. They came home last night. Trust me when I say they are not happy campers. We have to take them in everyday for IV treatments. The good news is that they are now out of danger. The bad news is the vet bill . Mama Mia!!! I don't mind I do anything for my babies. But when I saw the bill I must admit I about croaked. To think it still not done. So here are pictures of my babies.

This is Tad. He is the oldest at 11 years. I know it is not the best picture of him, but it is all I have of him in this camera.
This is Tiger. He is 10! He sleeps in Kiley's crib during the day.
Here is another one of Tiger. I just love his sweet face.

Darn it, my camera batteries just went down..UGH. I wanted to post pics of Ms. K. Oh well I will do it on Monday. Have a great weekend everyone...

Strawberry festivel.

2007-03-15T15:55:00.000-04:00

This past weekend we went with Kiley's God parents to the strawberry festival in a neighboring town. The town is known for it's strawberries and so every year they throw a big festival. Kiley was Miss Diva the entire day. I really don't know what got into her. She wanted to walk but there were sooo many people there that I had to keep her in the stroller. She was not happy about this at all. Fits and tantrums. I don't think I have ever prayed so hard. :-) But then there was yesterday, more on that later. It was a great day though. We had lots of fun and ate lots of strawberries., chocolate covered strawberries and strawberry shortcake. Brad took her on this big slide. It was really high. She absolutely loved it. I beleive my daughter is going to love roller coasters like her daddy. It was nice to have good fellowship and be out and about.

Kiley did start a new daycare this week. She is being taken care of by "Ro Ro" who is a lovely older women who takes care of a few children at her home. So far so good. Kiley threw a fit yesterday when I went to pick her up. She did not want to leave. She even slapped me in the face when I picked her up. I wanted to cry. She really hit me hard. Poor "Ro Ro" she apologized to me about it. My nephews hit my sister and brother in law in the face and I think that is where she learned it from. I sternly told her know and looked her right in the eye. But, I don't know what to do if that ever happens again. Yikes I can not imagine what the terrible twos are going to be like when we are just 16 months. Any advice?? I will post some pictures from the weekend tomorrow as I forgot my camera today.

scaling back

2007-03-14T13:56:00.000-04:00

I will selfishly admit that I am a material girl. I love my name brands. I love my louie vuitton purses, Manolo Blahink shoes. You get the picture. Well I am having to scale back. As stupid as this sounds I have resisted this idea. What is it about our possessions that drives us to not be able to part with them. I guess the better question is what is it about our society that makes it seem or attempt to makes us think that someone is better if they posses these items or drive this car. Do these items make us happier. I have been asking myself these questions as I have been struggling to give these items up. The answer is no. So here I am looking at turning in my lovely Infinit M35 and buying a mini van. No more Infiniti or BMWs. Brad says to consider it not necessarily the brand but the car payment. In my head I totally get this. I really do. I know the big picture. I see Kiley in the van and the giggles coming from her. The question is what kind of person have I become where this is difficult for me. My spiritual director posed an intersting question about this. She asked me what do these things mean to me. I guess to mean in a way it means I have failed in my firm. I totally know that I just started this firm but there is that nagging feeling. My unrealistic expectation of starting this firm and people banging at my door has not been met. I hate when my expectations get in the way, don't you.

2007-03-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

First, I want to give a big shout out to Angel. I am so excited to say that they are going to start a domestic adoption. Isn't it wonderful. Go over to her blog and give her some blogger love. Angel.. I hope and pray for a smooth adoption trip for you and your family this time around.

I will admit I would love to start another adoption. First selfishlly because I would love to have another child. Not that Kiley is not the light of my life. As I have described in my prior posts, she really has completed me. But it is because she is so much fun. Being a mom is probably the funnest job I have. I mean yes, I get angry at her divaness. Trust me she has already started. But I love going into her room and seeing her laying on her side. Or rolling over in the morning and she is looking at me. I especially love holding her hand as we say grace every night. I love her love of life. Anyways, given our finanical situation. Or let us call it the crisis of 2007. :0) We have our plans on hold. Yes I am upset about this. However, I have faith that I will be ok with this part of our journey.

2007-02-28T14:15:00.000-05:00

I am sorry about my last post. There are some things that I wish I could blog about, however,I am afraid that the information and feelings could be read by some folks and it will make the situation worst. All I can say about it right now is that I am very bitter and hurt. More hurt than bitter. Needless to say any good thoughts you can send my way will be greatly appreciated.

I am sorry that I have not written about our day at Disney. It was fantastic! Kiley was an angel and enjoyed every moment of it. The minute we got on the tram she lit up. It was like she knew we were going to somewhere fun. It was a cold day for Florida standards. but that did not stop her. The first ride we rode was the mad tea cups. She was giggling..too bad I could not get any pictures of that. She did like the pooh ride. However, we did take it easy and only rode a few rides. The lines were so long. We did make sure to see all the characters. I was surprised at how much she loved Mickey and Goofy. We are planning to go back in a couple of months.

Here are some pictures of our awesome day!

Daddy and I are so excited to ride the tram!

Um what do you mean I have to wait in line?

Mommy where are your ears?

Higher Daddy, I can't see Mickey!

This is the best day ever Mommy!

If you look in the background there is Mickey. She could not stop looking at him.

We were not so sure about Tiger!

Giving Mickey a "beso". The video is even cuter because you hear her squeal with delight.

So Daddy this is Minnie's house..

Mad tea cup ride!

Mommy why doesn't Sammy have a dog house like Pluto?

No words are needed !

2007-02-23T14:15:00.000-05:00

Does anyone know how to password protect a specific entry with blog spot. Can it be done?

2007-02-16T13:54:00.000-05:00

First I want to apologize to you guys. I look over my post and I cannot believe how bad my grammar is. I mean really it is shameful. The only excuse I have is that I treat this as a journal. I basically just write down whatever I am thinking. Nevertheless I am sorry!!!
Now that I have that out! I must tell you guys that we have a big day planed for Saturday. We are taking Kiley to the Magic Kingdom for the first time. I cannot tell you how excited I am. I will be the first to say that I am the biggest Disney fan. I love love Disney. Maybe it stems from the fact that I worked there for over 10 years. It was a great experience. It was also a learning experience. Anyways, Kiley loves the Disney Characters. She usually has a grip, which I can only describe as dark Vader's grip, on her Mickey doll. If you recall we had her 1st birthday party at the Character breakfast at the Polynesian Resort. It was a success. Unfortunately, the person responsible for taking pictures that day did not do a really good job so I really have no good pictures. I know...I was very upset. However, I have the entire thing on video. Back to Saturday. I cannot wait to see her face in the park. The colors I am sure will get her attention. I cannot wait for her to see Mickey, Minnie, Donald..all of the gang again. The wonderful thing about Kiley is her expressions. My daughter does not hide any emotions. You can clearly know what she is thinking just by looking at her face. This is going to be great. I will definitely post pictures.

On a total different note any Grey Anatomy watchers. All I have to say is what are doing??? Meredith cannot die. I decided that I am too emotionally involved with this show. I mean last night I started to cry when Derek started to cry. UGH!! It is pathetic that I am still thinking about it. OK I feel better now that I have that out.

Here is a picture of Kiley and me on Heart Day! Check out the crown. My mom made it for her.

My knight in shining ...whatever.

2007-02-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

**Long post dedicated to Brad*

OK my attempt to quote Grey's Anatomy probably went astray. I love that show by the way. But in reality I have alot of similarities with the character Meredith. I think most of do. Just like Meredith, I have issues of abandonment and issues of self esteem. I became a lawyer because it was what I was suppose to do. It was a way to impress my dad. What I really wanted to do was play the clarinet professionally. Not to toot my own horn (pardon the pun) but I am a good player. I had a music scholarship for the University of Florida. However, I believed my parents when they told me that I was not any good and that I would not amount to anything. Despite the evidence to the contrary. So you are probably wondering why I became a lawyer. Quite simply it was because I wanted to prove to them that I could. Now if you ask my parents/family they will deny all of the above. It would figure, as pointed out by my good friend Shelly, that given my baggage I would meet and marry the same type of individual. But I did not do that. I met and married my McDreamy. My knight in shinning ...whatever. Anyways, on this heart day I want to tell you about why he deserves this title. It is simple he is Brad. Brad has been with me through thick in thin. Even before we got married. I met Brad in October 1995. My dad left my mom in March at which point our family went a little on the crazy side. Any normal guy would run. Not Brad, he took on my family as his own. He says he did this because we were already family at this time and it is his belief that families don't leave one another. He believes we all have those crazy family members and times. So Brad embraced my crazy out of her mind mom. I truly believe he healed her by showing her compassion and love during that horrible time for her. He has done the same with my dad. He loves my dad when I can't. He even loved my dad at our wedding when he yelled at me and basically threw a tantrum (all while we are walking down the isle). Yes I am still bitter. He has been there at every one of my hospitalization at every one specialist appointment. He even watched my liver biopsy being performed. Despite the fact that he really cannot stand the site of blood. All because he knew I would be awake during the procedure and scared. Now I don't want you to think that he is a saint. He has his moments. He is also the biggest gossiper. It is the running joke in the family that we cannot tell Brad anything for surely everyone is going to know what was said.
But in the end he is Brad. He is the one we all turn to when we are sad, happy and in need. On this Valentines day I am proud and honored to be his wife. I will freely admit he is the better person in this relationship. I am selfish, he is selfless.

I hope everyone had a great day. Thank you putting up with this long post.

William Shakespeare

Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no, it is an ever-fixèd mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his heighth be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

2007-02-09T14:47:00.000-05:00

The evaluation went well. The evaluator was a woman named Cassandra. She was fantastic. It was a lot of questions about what Kiley is doing and saying. There was some interaction with her but mostly it was a lot of questions directed to me. She did observe Kiley for some time. Kiley of course thought this was just great, I mean after all she was the center of the conversation. She kept walking back and forth with her Dora ball. In the end she did find that Kiley was delayed. She found that she is more than 25% delayed in her speech and fine motor skills. I did discuss with Cassandra the bi-lingual aspect, but she still felt that Kiley should be making more sounds and words. Cassandra did confirm that children that are raised bi-lingual do take more time to speak. In fact she said they can be delayed up until they reach the age of five. Wow! She said however that it was/is great for children to be raised bi-lingual as it develops so many more areas of their brain. Nevertheless we need to take Kiley to another evaluation where they will pinpoint exactly what areas to target and what therapy (if any) to do. I guess I should have mentioned this before, but the program which we were referred to is the federal program (Early Steps_, therefore the "delay" falls under the ADA and is paid for the by the federal government. Cassandra said depending on what treatment is needed that the speech and physical therapist will come to our home to work with Kiley. That makes me feel better that way Kiley is in her environment. So the next step is going to another evaluation downtown. I am still trying to process of all this. I don't know if I am more worried now than before.

2007-02-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

Today is Kiley's evaluation. It is at 3:30pm. I did not think I would be so nervous but I am. I will let everyone know how it goes! It the meantime here are some pictures!

Look Mommy I am walking!!

Here she is with our Kitty named Tiger. He is so sweet to her!

Having fun with Daddy!

Working Mother

2007-02-06T15:38:00.000-05:00

As I was sitting waiting for my fouth asylum trial (of the five I had scheduled this week) to begin. I began contemplating how motherhood has changed me in the work force and really in my work. It was interesting. First, I realized that my work comes second. Or should I say my family comes first. I guess I always belived that, in fact there were mnay times I would state that. But the reality was that I did not put my words into practice, until now. I don't start working until Kiley goes to bed, even if it is 11pm. Even if I have two trials back to back. It does not matter. I worry about her when I have to leave her earlier than normal. But really the difference that I have seen is in my compassion. I will say that I always considered myself compassionate. I specifically remember my criminal law professor telling me in front of the entire class that I had a bleeding heart. He told me that life and the law are not fair. (On side note, he was really not a bad guy he helped get me my internship at the public defender's office my second year.) Anyways, I have seen a changed in me. I feel for my clients. I see their struggle. I see how they have to leave their children in their home country so they can try to make a better life for them. I feel for them because they are separated and worried to death about them. All they want is to bring them here with them. I feel bad when their asylum case denied. I feel bad because I worry about their children and them. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "I am doing this for my children", or "what can I do about my children". "what am I going to do". It seems that all of this has taken a different meaning for me now. So here is my story! I am a mommy and wife first, then a lawyer.

2007-01-30T14:30:00.000-05:00

Thank you everyone for your nice comments for my last post. It is crazy the guilt we carry. I am so happy to report that Kiley is finally walking. It is the cutest thing. I will proudly admit that she walked to me first. HEE HEE!! I will post pictures!
On a different note, we are having her tested for speech development. Now Kiley is definitely not the most talkative girl. If I think about it her vocabulary at 15 months really only includes mama, dada, cat, go and back. Really that it is. Only mama and cat are said in context :0) My brother-in-law, who takes care of her expressed his concern with me. My nephews are autistic. I should also mention that the boys specialist recommended that we have her tested. On side note, we do not think Kiley is autistic, it is just that someone with that experience notices issues that sometimes parents overlook. Honestly, I think Kiley is a little delayed but I believe it has to do with the fact that I speak/teach Spanish to her. It is my understanding that children that live in a bilingual home are little delayed in speaking. But in the abundance of caution and more importantly to get my family off my back I called to have her tested. I will admit that I am a little worried. But I know after seeing what my sister and brother-in-law have gone through early intervention is the key. We will see!!

2007-01-19T15:33:00.000-05:00

I have a secret. I have not been really good about keeping in touch with Kiley's Foster Mom. I feel really guilty about it. It is definitely has not been on purpose, it has been because I have been so busy. I will also admit it has been because of lack of funds. When I say we have no money I mean no money. No money to send pictures and definitely no money to develop pictures. Well today I changed that. I sent Mirina a bunch of pictures and a angle figure holding a baby. I feel much better but at the same time I still feel like such a loser. I have spoken to her since we returned but not as often as a I feel I should. I finally developed pictures from a disposable camera which we had sent in our first package. It was weird and yet surreal to see these earlier pictures. Not only did she look different but my baby had another life. She was accepted loved by this family as their very own. For example, there is a picture of her attending a birthday party. (My baby girl was a partier even there.) I don't know why this has hit me so much. Has anyone else felt this way?

Holidays

2007-01-15T14:46:00.000-05:00

Let me recap the holidays for you guys. I know it is the middle of Jan. We had a wonderful holiday. Kiley was so wonderful on Christmas and Three Kings day. It was just great. Seeing and helping her open christmas gifts, not to sound cliche but "completed me". Here is a picture of her opening her gifts.

My grandmother was in town so Kiley got to meet her. Here is a picture of her with abuela.

I took some time off for the holidays. We went "indoor" rock climbing. Here is Kiley's attempt.

I refuse to incriminate myself by posting my pictures...Oh alright just to show I am a good sport. :0)

As to the sibling remarks. Brad and I have been seriously talking and praying about having another child. We would adopt again. I must admit it is really early in the talks for numerous reasons. I would love to go into them right now but I have bored you guys enough today. I promise to write about it tomorrow as I really want your input. Take Care!

De Lurking

2007-01-12T14:57:00.000-05:00

Ok so I have a been a bad blogger this holiday. I promise to update first thing on Monday as I don't have a computer at home to use. I do have a lot to say about siblings possibilities. But before I go on to say more.. lurkers you know who you are..please come on out...Say hellooo I promise to visit..

Adventures

2006-12-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

Adventures in motherhood that is. Lets see ...Kiley developed strep throat. Not a problem. She was acually handling it really well. No fussing. In fact I was very surprised when the doctor told me that the test was positive. Well that all changed when we gave her the antibotics. It seems my little one is allergic to pencillen. We found out the hard way. Before I go on let me say that she is fine. The first full day of antibotics she broke out in a rash. I called the doctor who told me that the rash was probably from the strep so to go ahead and continue with the antibotic and give bendadryl (not so sure about the spelling). So we do this. Next morning she woke up screaming and going into convulsions. The rash were now welts. Off to the ER we went. She is now totally better and on different antibotics for the strep. I have never felt so scared. Never felt more like a mother.

2006-12-11T16:13:00.000-05:00

I am feeling better. I am sorry my last post was so negative. Geez!! Will write more tomorrow. I have an interesting post to write. I know, I am such a teaser!

2006-12-06T11:01:00.000-05:00

*****Warning not to positive note and lots of whinning ******

Let me start out by saying that I am so thankful for everything I have this year. I have my daughter and husband who are both in the best health. I have my animals whom I adore. I have a roof over my head. Why should I be down and sad. Well as everyone knows I started my own firm in May. This has been a new adventure for me. No steady paycheck, overhead to be responsible for. You get the picture. The issue is that business is really really slow right now. Now mind you I have spoken to other lawyers in my same field all of which have told me that they are in the same boat. The difference is they have been in business for a while so they have had time to prepare for the slow time. Me ..not so much. So here it is Christmas time and I literally have no money. I mean I have no money to pay the bills for the business and therefore none to help at our home. The dilemma is it is Christmas and I want to buy (and in the past have had the discretionary income to buy) everyone great gifts. While I was in Guatemala last Christmas visiting Kiley I dreamt of her being home and I being able to give her the most wonderful Christmas. This included a stocking full of gifts, presents under the tree. I know she is only 13 months and won't remember Christmas, but I will. I have not been able financially to buy her one gift. Now I know I can get her little things trust me I will. But I am so angry that I just can't go and buy whatever I want for her and for Brad. I mean I know this whole post is sounding oh incredibly selfish but this is my outlet. I feel like I am letting her down. I feel like I am letting everyone down. The worst part of this is that I am selfish and I enjoy giving gifts and seeing everyone's faces. I also, dare I say, enjoy receiving gifts. Which I know I won't receive this year. I know..I know it is wrong...but lets be honest here! :0) So I am dealing with my issues of anger surrounding this Christmas. I really believe I was suppose to open this firm. I love my job and I am so much happier. I am also around Kiley all the time which my other job would not allow me. What could be better. (just a few more clients). I also am angry at myself. The long and short is I lent someone whom I trusted $1,000.00 of money which was already spent on bills for my firm supposedly for 24 hours. I only lent him the money because I really believed he was going to pay me back the money right away. I did not and do not have the money to lend him. He was to return the next morning with the money. I don't need to tell you but he did not come back in with the money. What is worst is that I am chicken to call him and ask for the money. AHHH I know it will be OK. I know it will have to be this way and things will get better but it sucks. It sucks hard. So now I am going to go sulk for a while. Thank you for reading.

Revelation

2006-11-29T16:48:00.000-05:00

Ok so I am driving this morning following along my normal routine. Kiley is nicely tucked in the back seat eating her mini pancakes. I was singing along to Christmas music. When the music stopped my little girl continued singing. (Well AHHHH counts as singing). It was at this time it hit me. I am a mommy!! I am a frigging mommy!!! I am responsible for that little adorable girl. I can screw her up as my parents screwed me up. Oh my God I am Santa! Gulp Santa has not even started shopping. Santa has no money and no credit cards with room left. Yikes going to go throw up now.

Happy Turkey Day

2006-11-22T12:13:00.000-05:00

Holidays, oh how I love thee!!! This Thanksgiving I have so many things to be thankful for. I just don't know how I got so blessed. This Thanksgiving is really special for me as we have Kiley with us. Last Thanksgiving Brad thanked God for the referral of our daughter and prayed for her safety and health at the dinner table. It certainly was a tear jerker. So I don't know how I won't cry at dinner this year when he gives the prayer.

Thanksgiving is a production for us. We are going to my mom's who always makes a yummy feast. We combine our Puerto Rican heritiage by having arroz con qandules, (rice with beans), lechon asado (BBQ pig) and of course the Turkey, stuffing, mash potatoes etc. Mind you there are only going to be six adults and four kids. You ask what am I bringing besides my beautiful daughter. (Which I am sure Abuela would say is all I need to bring). Anyways, this year I am bringing Salad, Corn, Desert and Lots of Wine (which I may or may not share. I mean really how else can I make it through dinner :0) LOL.

Although it is a food production it is also an emotional production. We have a typical family with typical issues. So the holidays are always fun. Nevertheless we remember and are thankful for our family (issues or none). This year we are especially thankful to those who helped us and allowed us to bring Kiley to our family. I will defintely be thinking of Kiley's BM and Mirina. My emotions are everywhere with regard to that. I pray that she is safe and has a place to share a meal. She defintely has one in our family at least in spirit. Happy Turkey Day everyone.

2006-11-15T11:39:00.000-05:00

OK on a total waste of post I just want to say People magazine you are right!! What you ask brought this on. Well people magazine has placed George Clooney as the sexiest man alive. I don't know about you ladies out there but I love the man. Sorry Honey :0)

I was reading the article and I felt so old. Go look at the ages of these men. They are in there twenties. :0( Twenties for God's sake. It seems like it has been forever since I was in my twenties. OK I exaggerate I am 33, but still!!! I feel like a pervert reading and looking at them :0)

Date Night

2006-11-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

Brad and I went out for a date night on Friday. It was weird not having Kiley with us. We have only gone out to eat without Kiley once since we came home. It was really weird. We were only gone for an hour but it felt like a long time and at the same time short. Does that make sense? At first Brad and I did not know what to talk about. I mean we do talk to each other. We especially try to talk and spend time with each other after Kiley has gone to bed. Lately we have not. I have been sick so I just collapse after she goes to bed. Furthermore, Kiley has a stomach virus so she is not her normal self. Needless to say we are just in Kiley mode.

I grew up with parents that did not talk to each other very much. It was very hard to grow up like that. It always felt cold between. As I got older I promised myself that I was not going to be one of those couples. It was no surprise when my parents told us that they were divorcing after 27 years. It was sad and at the same time a relief.

Needless to say, I was worried (and I guess a part of me still is) that we did not have anything to talk about. don't let me mislead you we shortly began talking about our days and tried not to talk about Kiley. However, I don't want to be like my parents. I don't want to end up like my parent. I know they had a lot of other "issues" other than the lack of communication, but that fear still remains. I guess this part of parenting I find harder. In my head I know that Brad and I must take care of our relationship. What is failing is my body. Again how do we keep up with being a mommy and wife (lets not even talk about work). So any words of advice?

The New and Improved

2006-11-02T16:40:00.000-05:00

Ok so as you can tell I went to the blogger beta..It is OK. We will see how it goes. I like the fact that I can add pictures on the side. So what is up everyone? Things are going well at the Casa of Grubers. Kiley is learning to throw temper tantrums and Mommy is learning patience. She had xrays done last week for her hips but thank god everything turned out fine. Funny enough I was not worried. We had our post adoption homestudy. Nothing but good things to report. Kiley was charming, funny and smart. Incredibly I was very nervous about this visit. I love our social worker. She adopted all of her children ( China and Guatemala). She tried to warn me not to go with our agency but at the time I didn't listen. She kindly reminded me off that fact as we were talking about the pickup. I just shrugged my shoulders and told her I was a buffon. But on to exciting news.. I am so happy for Angel..Zoe is finally home. Well actually they are right now in my neck of the woods Orlando. Isn't that cool! Go over to her blog and give her some love.

Well lets see...Work is going well. I have been very very busy with asylum case. My dad visited us last weekend which is always nice. Oh you won't believe what I did ...I went to a "passion party". It was the funniest thing I have ever done. I mean all these women there looking through catalogs and products. Totally fun and totally embarrassing. I am not one to go to these parties but my good friend threw it so what can I say. So that is the latest!

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T15:26:00.000-05:00

Happy First Birthday

2006-10-11T13:53:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

You are one year old today and I must admit I can't believe. You have grown sooooo very much these past months it has been crazy. I ask myself all the time what I did so right to deserve to get the chance to be your mommy. Your birthday fell on a Tuesday so we are going to celebrate it on Saturday the 14th. I hope you have a wonderful time. We are going to see Mickey, Lilo and Stich. We are eating at a character breakfast at the Polyensian Hotel at Disney. So many people are going to be there it should be a lot of fun.

My little one you are the light of our lives. Right now you are all about standing and pushing the buttons on the DVD player. You still do not sleep through the night but that is OK. You love to crawl everywhere and my goodness you are fast. You are eating all kinds of food and loving it. You love to go to restaurants and stare at all the people. You are defintely a happy baby. You giggle so loud when I chase you. You love Daddy to throw you up in the air. You have just started giving high fives. It is so cute because after you give the high five you clap. You are not walking but you will get there soon. Honey, I love you more than words can say!!! Happy Birthday.

Ramblings

2006-10-03T14:04:00.000-04:00

So it is Brad's Birthday on the 13th and I have no idea what to get him. I feel bad because I have been focusing on getting Kiley's birthday. I definitely don't want him to feel left out. I guess I am arriving once again to the balance issue. Trying to plan Kiley's party, parent, take time to get Brad's gift and oh yeah work. :0 So I have to do major shopping.

We decided to have Kiley's birthday party the Saturday after her birthday, the 14th. We are having her party at Disney Polynesian Resort. We are doing it at the character breakfast. http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/wdw/dining/diningDetail?id=OhanasDiningPage

It should be fun. The whole family is going to be there. My nephews are super excited. Don't worry I will post pictures. Especially because now I have control of the camera. I am trying to decide what to give as a goodies...I am thinking of having leis for everyone... I don't know what else to give....any ideas??